well im here, watching tv... the door is closed and the tv is blaring... its jay leno... the relentless talking makes it seem like someone is actually here... better than the constant feeling of being alone in this world.... this weekend will suck... no one is willing to do anything and it seems all this crap is pileling up on my shoulders... i have a project due on monday - i have to practice my bass guitar - i have to finish reading interview with the vampire (a fantastic book so far) and try to calm my head... today for the first time i felt needed, i was in my english class and it seemed everyone was saying my name, asking a question or adding a comment or just saying something about me. it was a great feeling, i couldn't believe that people even knew my name.... i loved it. i devoured the moment, but it ultimately was wasted and ended in the serene thought of helplessness... oh how i loathe this world....