well, today wasn't as bad as yesterday, today i worked on my bass and actually figured out about 4 songs... just need to work on them and hopefully they'll work out, if i only dont forget the rythem!! hmm... well todays thursday and i got about 8 minutes till i gotta go to bed... you know, i'll tell everyone a secret (whoever really reads this) i've cried myself to sleep every night that i can remember... i would cry about anything, mostly about the past and sometimes the future, but tonight im going to try and stop that habit, i dont know if it will happen but im going to try. its just that the memories pile up and its an overwhelming experience for me to remember those things, cause NO ONE knows about my past, i've told a few - and most of them are strangers that live in other states, i haven't even told any of my closest friends... i know its pathetic but im afraid formyself if i tell them the things thats happened to me in the past... i dont know how they would react or anything... they would probably understand me and support me, but i can't shake the feeling that they would remember that and hold that against me in situations that might come up in the future... you never can be too sure about friends these days... infact - nevermind... i was going to explain an innident at my old school, but im not going to get into it... well today i got a fortune cookie... and GUESS WHAT IT SAID!?!!

" You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music " - the fortune cookie

that cookie is so right... its scary, cause right before i was going to open it, i was planning on playing bass for an hour and then listening to my favorite cd's for 4 hours till night time... its weird... it was actually right, i just hope i can persue my dreams and make it... im holding onto that last piece of faith, no matter how slim it is... and im not going to let anyone ruin anything for me just so they can have what they want... "this is my life and im going ot live it, don't effect no body but me" (that quote was actually from a tlc song... "my life".. .hehe)

well i should be going to bed... im going to try and hold back the tears... i might not make it but we'll see... good nite whomever is reading this...