theres a lot of thoughts going threw my head at once... too many to think about just one...

i feel extremely depressed... god i hate that word... but i am... i keep thinking about moving and not seeing my friends... and having new classes... being the outcast once again... i dont know how i'll handle it all... if i had one wish, that i could use on anything... ANYTHING in the world... i would wish that i could continue to live here - i would ditch my dreams and asasperations just to continue with my friends and my education... this is really going to fucking suck... i'll have to take the bus probably... sit next to someone i dont know, probably get beat up... probably get name-called... but over all i'll be judged... god... fuck my parents.. this shit is bringing me down.. "just take things one day at a time" thats bullshit! how can i think about one day when in just a few months im moving away from my current life.. i hate this, i hate this world, i hate myself...

i know there are other people that probably have it worse, and now i understand them and their plee's... i dont want to start again, i just want to be with my friends and people who have been there ever since the start... sure i can see them on the weekend but thats not what matters... i want someone to be there and someone that actually knows me - i dont want to go to a new school - have people look .. with those eyes... that look of 'what's his deal?!' and all that shit.. i feel a belonging here in GB.. i wont find it anywhere else... i hope something happens and we decide to stay .. no one seems to understand how important staying here means to me..

and yet theres no one on my side.. and surely that aint right..

i just need to talk to someone .. i know that my friendships will last, but what about the people that i secretly feel for? what about them? i cant tell them and they'll never know - and that breaks my heart even more..

the fact i wont see their faces everyday... that i wont hear their voices.. that i wont feel their presence.. just makes me break down and cry..

im trying to make my best out of moving.. but nothing is good about it. im going to a school thats WORSE than the high school im going to now, i'll have a less chance to be accepeted to the college i want, i'll probably end up being another loner..

god just thinking about going to school everday... not having anyone to talk to, not having anyone to belong to, not having anyone to talk to in class, not having anyone to hang out with during lunch - probably having to hide somewhere to avoid being picked on during lunch...

i just want to die