I'm feeling pretty messed up.. Lots and lots of things have happened within the past few days. I've been feeling as if I'm falling in this bottomless hole - and I can't seem to slow the process of just stop it..

Just recently I had a pretty clear dream about someone, and I decided I would analyze it to see if it had any meaning in it. Turns out almost everything that was mentioned in the analyze process was pointing out exactly how I was feeling. I don't feel like typing what it directly said, but the dream was so beautiful but yet so depressing.

I woke up in tears cause of the dream... I wished I had never been interupted by my dad... The dream would've probably revealed something big that I haven't seen yet - and it just goes to show that others can just as easily ruin your life - or of what could of been.

The dream was about Person X, and I wont go into detail about the dream, but a very close friend of mine knows it (cause I told her) and when I analyzed it - I showed her the results and she agree's that its pretty strange. Dreams can point out things that are going on but you just don't notice it. Anyways, one thing that was analyzed about the dream was something saying something along the lines of "you will have simple pleasures" and today, something happened and I got something. I wont say what (don't want to incriminate myself) but it's based on talking, and that's a simple pleasure, and it turns out that it has something to do with me and Person X. Sorry if that confused you, but I believe that something is going to happen soon, hopefully something good.. cause everything else in my life seems to be deteriorating anyway...

The crazy thing of it all is that I actually wish that I could live in that dream forever... That I could easily just slip into that frame of mind and just be there forever... with that person... and just be happy like I was in that dream... But then I realize that my life is just an eternity of dissapointment.. hopefully it will all soon perish..

I think that I'm starting to lose my emotions, cause the only emotion I seem to be feeling is sadness and anger/frustration... Everything else to me doesn't seem to amount to anything. I catch myself being easily aggitated and I also find myself passing out from crying at night. I must be crying so hard that I lose my breath and my heart skips a beat... Have you ever felt that the world was caving in on you and the only way that it'll all go away is if you're with that certain someone... that someone you admire and respect... well thats why I cry at night.. but when I am crying I take out my photo book and just reflect.. especially on a certain page.. it just makes me feel even more emtee... I wont say who its off, but it should be obvious.

Right at this moment it only seems like one person cares for me.. I know my friends care about me, but it only seems like one person actually cares whats going on in my life.. and to surpise me it's actually the person I least expected that would be there. In fact, this person and I spent the begining of school talking behind some pillars (hiding from someone who could easily eat us both whole...) talking about some serious issues.. I'm glad she was there - I got to talk about things I never thought I would to anyone that close to me. I'm glad that they care enough to listen to my bitching and moaning...

Hopefully, something will happen and maybe I'll get what I'm looking for... maybe I'll finally get some rest.. Maybe I'll finally feel full-filled with my life.. But until that miracle happens...