Hey.. yeah.. long time no update eh? Wait, I updated last night.. nevermind.. But AH! I just mowed the lawn and I was all good till I put the mower away and I swear I sneezed 6 times in a row.. O_o I'm feeling pretty crappy right now.. [physical wise] cause my eye's are watery, my nose is running and my throat is fucking soar! Ugh.. I feel all constipated in my head now.. But eh.. I can deal with it..

I guess on Saterday, Shroomie, Mary Jane, Angel Dust and I plan to go to Denny's for a 'brunch' so we can all basically talk and discuss some issues.. It should be a VERY interesting day if everything goes to plan. I believe now all we need is someone to take us over there and back - But Shroomie might be able to help us out with taking us over there.. Cause she can carpool! Wooho! Anyways.. I still gotta save some money for Saterday - cause I actaully want to eat.. Unlike some others who'll probably just end up sitting there. But eh, I can't help that.

One subject that I'd like to touch upon is sterotypes.. Basically just the sterotypes of Bi's and Gays.. I don't get it.. Bi's and Gays are just like anyone else just a different sexual preference. I mean, I can't help that I'm Bi.. I'm actually a proud Bisexual. I may not go around flaunting it like a shoufu on a boulevard but I'm not ashamed of who I am. What I don't like is when people are talking about Bi's or Gays and they say things like, "Oh, all they do is shop and wear tight clothes and want to be women" Lemme tell you, I may like to shop but hey, who doesn't love getting new clothes?! What the fuck's wrong with that? And I have NEVER worn anything tight.. I don't like tight clothes cause they just aren't my thing.. They reveal too much and if you saw my true outline of my body you'd be scared.. I'm ugly and so I cover it up with baggy clothes (plus I feel more 'free' in baggy shit) and I don't want to be a woman. That's just nasty to want to be a transvestite (to me) but hey, I have no problem with what people want to be. But the sterotypes is one of the biggest reasons holding me back from just being 'open' with my sexuality. I don't want people to *assume* that I'm like the *sterotype*.. It just pisses me off when they do that, I mean just ask and you'll have an answer - It's not that fucking hard to do.

I would be more than willing to just tell everyone that I'm bi but it's not that easy. There are a lot of people out there who are insecure about their own sexuality and I believe that if someone is perfectly fine with people's sexuality then they themselves are comfortable with their sexulaity - but if they're like "Eww... That's so wrong!" then those people are insecure and doubt their own sexuality. Cause obviously they have something to worry about.. But yeah, I hate insecure people..

Well, my friends and I have concieved an idea that we would give ourself drug names and would call ourselves by our drug names in notes to each other and to just say it for fun.. So basically we have a site [still under-construction] at: http://teamchronicspage.cjb.net/ And so I'm Coe-Kee and everyone else is .. well... Everyone else.. You should be able to read in the site.. But I've also given Jake McKibbons and Jeff Loader code names too.. Jake will be known as [in code] as, "X-Tasee" and Jeff Loader will be known as [in code] as, "Vikodin".. Cause they're like forbiddin fruit.. You look at them and you can drool all you want, but if you take one bite.. DUN DUN DUN! .. I don't know about the consequences but I'll probably know soon enough. Hehe..

But today I didn't really talk to Jake all that much.. I'm waiting for him to come online so we can talk online.. But I did make eye contact and talked to him for a bit about the new McDonalds that opened up across the street from our school.. Haha.. But yeah.. We just said like 4 sentences to each other.. But it's all good. I'm gonna be saying "Hey" everyonce in a while during passing time when I see him walk by. What's the worst that can happen, right? Same goes for when I see Jeff Loader. Muaha.. Things are just going fan-fucking-tastic with my little crushes.. So I'm actually feeling pretty good.. besides the fucking soar throat and shit..

Ok, since I don't really have anything else planned for this entree - I'm just gonna type some random stuff that's going on now.. It may make you confused but hell if I care..

Ah.. I'm listening to the song "Have you ever" by Brandy and this song is just so depressing.. I'm gonna use this song as my Quote for the entree.. This song is the NUMBER ONE song of all time for me with my heartbreak.

Anyways.. I've just been fluctuating through lots of emotions lately - but most of them are happy emotions.. I find myself being really happy some instances and feeling just kinda.. Un-fullfilled other times.. Nothing too extreme.. Just kinda the normal thing now.. Right now I'm kinda feeling high-on-love/daydreamy ya know? Hehe. I can't stop thinking of Jake or Jeff.. Jon has actually kinda been lost in my mind.. He hasn't come online at all and I think the reason why I just haven't really given him much thought anymore is cause I don't see him everyday like I used to.. He's just kinda made himself secluded.. But I guess I'll ask one of his friends, Patrick, who I know pretty well about him. Maybe I can get some answers about him.

I swear, I really need to get some pictures of Jake and Jeff Loader.. I think my friend Shroomie [Angela] will be bringing her digital camera tomorrow and maybe [hopefully!] she'll let me use it a bit and kinda.. take a few pictures or films on Jake and stuff.. Wouldn't that be just awesome? Cause I don't have any pics of Jake or Jeff [but hopefully at the end of the year I'll be getting a yearbook - so I'll have at least one] but I would really like to take a few with the camera tomorrow.. It would mean a lot to me and I'm sure Shroomie would understand.

I saw Vikodin [AKA Jeff Loader] walking somewhere to 4th period and I was gonna watch him to see where he goes but the fucking mod of pubesent teens disrupted my view and I couldn't tell where he went.. But I know its near the P.E. rooms and/or the Cafeteria... I can't think of what class he has.. Damn it! But I'll find out sooner or later. Cause I'm a stalker like that ;D.

*Sigh*.. I don't know what else to say.. Except .. Um... DAMN! X-TASEE & VIKODIN ARE DAMN FUCKING HOT! *mmm* ... *salvates*

Ok, I'm gonna tell you a dream that I had about 2 years ago [I believe] but it's explicit and deals with homosexuality and shit.. So if you're a pansy like that, then don't read below.. I'll end the passage with a whole bunch of asterics if you wish to read on after I type my dream.. So here it is:

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I was at my old school in the football field (at the time, it was extremly shitty and messed up, but whatever) and I was there with my first guy crush, Jamison Heaton and we were having sex in the MIDDLE of the field.. Don't ask me where I got that.. But I won't go into detail other than I was doing him [haha] and then after a while [like 8 minutes of having sex] a whole crowd forms around us while we're STILL having sex.. And I guess it didn't faze us and no one seemed to care.. It was like they were just there observing a presentation or something.. It was actually a REALLY hot dream.. I actually enjoyed it [being the nasty little pervert I am..]

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But that was that and after I had that dream I told one of my best-guy-friends. He assured me that I wasn't gay or bi and that he, himself, had a dream that he was making out with some other guy from our school. So after that I dismissed the dream and went on with my life.. But I still am attracted to Jamison.. In-fact he goes to GBHS too, he's a sophomore and he's SOO hot! He carries around an orange, old-fashioned lunch box and it's really cute. I still have a crush on him but I don't have any classes with him.. I see him during passing times though.. He's soo adorbale.. *smiles in thought about Jamison* Hehee.. I'll always remember that dream.. I can only hope that he's that 'big' in reality.. ;D haha..

Ok, I appaulogize for the content but then again.. This is MY online diary.. Deal with it! Hehe.. I'll update later..

Here's the lyrics to "Have You Ever" by Brandy:

"Have you ever loved somebody so much,

It makes you cry.

Have you ever needed somehting so bad,

You can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words,

But they don't come out right?

Have you ever, have you ever?

Have you ever been in love,

Been in love so bad...

You'd do anything to make them understand.

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away?

You'd give anything to amake them feel the same.

Have you ever searched for the words to get you in their heart,

But you don't know what to say,

And you don't know where to start..

Have you ever found the one,

You've dreamed of all your life?

You'd do anything to look into their eyes...

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to,

Only to find that one won't give their heart to you?

Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there?

And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care....

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms?

What do I gotta say to get to your heart,

To make you understand how I need you next to me,

Gotta get you in my world

Cause baby I can't sleep..."

Those lyrics just mean a lot to me, yeah sure, it may make me cry everytime I hear it, but I really love the song cause I can relate to this song 100%.. It's sad.. But then again my whole life is..

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