Okay, just got back from working out for an hour. I�m feeling pretty weak. I know I�ll be feeling this tomorrow too.. Damn it. Well, I�m starting a working out routine.. Cause I�m starting to take action in what I need to do. I�m tired of being skinny.. I need muscle and I need it before summer. When summer roles around I want to feel confident going swimming without a shirt (sadly, I used to wear a shirt cause I swear � I used to think I was fat.) But my main inspiration for taking action in being active is.. well.. It�s a mix between Vin Diesel and Jake.. Cause Jake�s always doing stuff and constantly staying active.. He hikes, rock climbs, plays volleyball� He does so much and I want so badly to be able to do the things he does. That�s why I�m working out.. Plus, working out would do me some good.. I�ve always tried to work out and I�ve stayed with it a few times but only for a couple of weeks, then just kinda set it aside. But now I�m determined and I need to get in physical shape. I guess I owe Vin and Jake both thank you�s for making me realize what needs to take place � but yeah, like they know about my diary (nor do they care about me.)

Ya know, I was set out today to try and talk to Jake some more.. But [as usual] I feel through and me, being the shy fucking idiot I am, I didn�t say anything to him. Except when he asked me if I wanted a piece of gum [but it was one of those joke gum thingys] and I said �no� cause I was smart.. but now I regret that and wish that I would�ve taken it.. so I would�ve at least started something.. I�m just not really contraceptive to everything as shit happens, I tend to take a while to fully understand and make the wise choice.. But usually when that comes to me it�s too late. But I�m gonna try tomorrow to talk to him.. I don�t get it.. I say now that there�s no reason to be afraid or shy, but then when I�m in his presence.. I just freak out.. Cause he�s just so perfect and I don�t wanna ruin anything ya know? It�s hard to think about it.. Oh yeah! Jeff Loader got a hair cut! It�s really cute.. hehee.. My friend Angela and I both agree he looks extremely adorable.. She hasn�t really said anything about Jake, but I want her to know that I don�t mind if she or anyone of my friends finds Jake or Jeff attractive.. I just would be so pissed if they started to act upon it though ya know? It should be [as Angela said before] a �respect� issue. If Angela, Kami or Loretta were to come up to me and say �oh, he�s hot!� and then I start obsessing over this guy � it would be downright fucking rude.. It�s not right.. It would probably hurt their feelings too. So I want them to realize that I would love it if they told me the truth but if they started going on and on about Jeff, Jake or Jon.. I would probably get extremely ticked off and fucking blow them off.. Cause it�s like.. �If it wasn�t for me, you wouldn�t even know them.� Ya know? Anyways�

One thing that Kami said to me once was when we were walking to Math and Angela and I were walking by Jeff and we were talking about how cute he was and then Kami comes out and says, �he�s ugly!� .. Now I know that�s honesty and I respect that.. But there�s a difference between being honest and sparing someone�s feelings.. I don�t know.. But that�s stuck to me.. Every time I�m with Kami and I see Jeff � I actually FORCEFULLY avoid talking about Jeff cause I seriously take what people say about the people I like/love too personally. Like I�ve said numerous times.. I�m a friend/relationship oriented person.. I fucking stand up for who I like and care about and when someone starts to put someone down.. I stand up for them if they�re worth it.. And all my friends are worth it and Jeff, Jake and Jon are more than worth it too. I just don�t like it when people are rude like that.. and for no apparent reason too.. And Kami KNOWS how much I care for Jake, Jon and Jeff.. That�s what I don�t get.. Does she not care about my feelings? Does she not have any respect for the people I care about? I�m no so sure anymore.. But I can say that Kami and I are becoming better friends..

One more thing.. I hope that it doesn�t sound degrading, but Kami has been going around saying how she�s depressed and sad.. and that may be true but about what? She�s never really telling us why except �stress� or something. Angela and I are left here getting annoyed cause she doesn�t seem to tell us everything. And then she goes around waving her depression as if it�s a prize.. Being depressed isn�t something that you wanna go around flaunting like a box of gold.. It�s something that usually makes you subside with your friends.. It�s great to tell your friends cause then we can be there for them, but when you tell everyone .. it just gets to the point where everyone�s questioning if you really are or if its all an attention scam.. Right now I�m in a chat talking with her and Angela and we�re getting issues out and discussing them.. I don�t know if this matters but I read in a horoscope that something like this would happen.. that something in the communication would go wrong and someone will take things the wrong way..

Just like kourtney.. she�s such a fucking poseur. Then she goes around being pissed off at something that�s true? What a fucking idiot.. Sorry, only my friends would know what I�m talking about.. I don�t wanna get into it though.. so moving on..

I think things are starting to get a little less fucking insane at my house. Maybe it�s cause I�ve been actually avoiding them.. Or maybe it�s cause I simply don�t seem to care anymore.. I find myself sacrificing what I want to try and stay out of my rents hair.. I don�t want confrontations and seriously � when they talk to me and tell me about how �im an attention demander� and how �they�re doing this cause they care� it sets me off.. They don�t know me and they won�t ever.. It�s too late for them to try and get into my life cause the only thing they�ll accomplish is me getting agitated.. That�s another thing that I find myself being.. Agitated.. with ignorant people and issues that sometimes don�t even matter.. But it�s true.. I guess Gemini�s are just more emotional. Either that or more emotionally screwed up..

*Sigh.. *

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