Ah, I'm extremely tired today.. I just got up about 2 hours ago and watched 'Ringu' [The original Japaneese version of 'The Ring'] and it wasn't all that bad. Just a little behind in the graphic's department. Anyways, it was good...

Last night at around 11:40, Roxanne and I met over at the stop sign thats down the street from me and she picked me up and we went on over to Roxy's house. So, basically, I snuck out of the house from 11:40PM to 4:40AM. I'm not sure what came about us to do so, but she invited me over to spend the night but my rents said no. So instead of me just complaining - I said "okay" and just snuck out and left.

When I was picked up by Roxanne we headed over to Wendy's cause she was hungry and she got something in the drive-thru. We basically just talked the whole night except at around 1:30 when we started to tone down and just cuddled up in a ball on her bed. We just layed there and kinda half-slept and listened to music on her computer. Some people may find that kind of a hang out "boring" but to me it was fantastic. Just being with a friend - the communication - the connection is what makes everything so worth while. We kinda dozed in and out till 4:15 when I woke up and rememebered I had to be back before 5:30AM. So I poked her a bit and we kinda just lingered around in the bed till 4:30 and then we headed out to drop me off. The whole night we basically did nothing except sit and talk, play with Roxy's toy truck [LOL .. inside joke] and just layed in bed together. It was an over-all VERY charming experience.

Then when I got home I locked the doors behind me and went to bed. I didnt feel like sleeping cause I was so excited but I ended up going to bed for a good hour and a half before my dad woke me up to watch 'Ringu' before we had to take it back. So now I feel really tired and I feel pretty bitchy. After I watched the movie, I checked my email and saw that my friend Ashley Bitson sent me an email. Now, the email wasn't really an email but more like 2 verses from "Have You Ever?" by Brandy. I know that my friend Ashley is hurting over the fact that her b/f Sean won't talk to her - but when I read that email I felt so much .. anger. I don't know why - maybe cause I recently was attached to that song with John Hoopes - and now I seem to be getting really annoyed with everyones problems. I just can't seem to understand why Ashley would use that song for her 'heartache'.. She doesn't know the MEANING of 'heartache' or even 'heartbreak.' *SMH* There's only a few [like Angela and Roxanne] people that I can handle and everyone else just kinda ticks me off sometimes. I also checked my horoscope for today on Yahoo! and it said:

The planetary alignment indicates that you could be inspired to use this enhanced understanding to tell a love partner how you feel. Don't hesitate, if this is what you want. Tomorrow you just might chicken out.

And this is really REALLY weird cause lately I've been thinking about telling Jake how I feel but if not how I feel towards him, just that I'm bisexual - to see his reaction to it. But I'm not so sure anymore. I would love to tell him [believe me, I WOULD] but I don't know if he would tell everyone else and/or if he would hate me. I have a friendship with him and I don't want to take the chance to ruin it. I guess it would be best to have a friendship and not tell him how I feel rather than to tell him how I feel, have him hate me and have my heart broken once again. Roxanne was talking to me about that yesterday and I think that really helped. I think what I'll try to do in the meantime is try to become better friends with Jake and if I think that we're close enough for something like that and if I feel that he's able to handle that with honesty then I'll tell him. I just need to make due with the time I have with him. I don't have too much time left before the end of the year and when I move. This whole ordeal sucks a lot.

On another note, I believe that Loretta wanted to do something today. I really don't feel up to it and I don't think anyone will want to do anything anyway. The only thing I would do today if I was with my friends is lay down somewhere and just talk. I don't feel active today cause I'm feeling emotionally drained. I can't really put myself up to the expectations that everyone has around me anymore. That's why I'm taking [some] of my friends' advice and I'm gonna act myself 100% [except for the things that deal with my bisexuality] at school. It'll probably take some time but meh.

I also got some clothes the other day [an OTEP t-shirt, some denim jeans, and some new DC shoes] that I'm gonna wear to Sadies. Angela and I are going as the complete sterotype of punk for the dance. She's gonna be Avril Lavigne [cause ya'll KNOW how punk she is!] and I think I'll go as someone from Blink182 [cause aren't they just so hardcore?!]... So yeah, it should be really fun.

Maybe I will go to Lorettas house. But I'll tell her ahead of time that if she wants me to come that she'll only have a huge ass drag with her. Maybe I can get together everyone so we can go out to lunch or something. Wouldn't that be splendid? Damn it, I don't have money *scratches that idea*. Anyways.. I guess I'll go.. Feeling too tired to proceed with my random little meaningless rants of despair.

"Just shut the fuck up and drink man... I swear on my word, boy if you look over there one more fucking time Imma smack da SHIT outta you, yo."

Heh, thought that quote was funny [it was from a Da Brat interlude on 'Unrestricted'.] Okay.. You want a better one? Fine.

"Accepting to live life is accepting death in its entirety."

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