Well today was a good day.

I woke up, noticed that my throat was feeling a BIT better but my nose was running like a mother fucker.. I was like blowing my nose through-out the whole day. Anyways..

This week we have STAR testing. So, to get back at the district for screwing us out of a half day and forcing us to contiue with our schedule after the 4 hours we spend "testing," I just totally blew off the test and put down random answers. It doesn't affect our grades but what it does affect is the schools money supply and credit. The district has already screwed our school out of money and yet they're STILL fucking jipping out on us by making money out of our attendance for the WHOLE day instead of half days. So, I say fuck them and their corperate blind-folds.. I won't fucking test.

So after I spend just 25 minutes "taking" that fucking test, I continued to listen to my music (which currently is The Cardigans) and I was thinking of what I was gonna say to Jake and/or Ashley if I were to see them. I had planned to talk to Jake during passing time but he had his headphones on.. so I didn't wanna intrude on him and his joys.. haha. But I did see Ashley and I told her the message that he gave to me to tell her. That if it seems like he's avoiding her or something its cause he's thinking about things and trying to get over her. I don't think she really listened to me since all she said in responce was "yeah" and was giving off the ora of "go away..." So after I told her I was looking for Jake but GOD that boy can really get to his classes on time! I didn't see him so I figured he had already gotten in the class before I was there. So after that class, I was waiting for him afterwards but yet AGAIN he had his headphones on.. I didn't feel right to intrude and be like "Hey.. [blah blah blah]" cause I personally get annoyed with people who do that to me.

So after all that, we had lunch and it was actually a good lunch. Everyone was there except Loretta and Andy but I don't mind if they're not there. Kami came around and it seems now that everything is great. Everything is falling into place. Oh! And Katya wasn't around either! Yesssss!! There's only so much stuff I can take, ya know?

After lunch I had Guitar where we actually just went outside and did games.. but while we were out there, I noticed that P.E. was doing the mile.. and then I also realized that Jake was in P.E. that period. Muahaha.. So I saw that cuttie running.. Haha. I must say that I admire him and his friends. He seems to have such a wide variety of friends. Just when you think you have him chatagorized as being with one group of people - he's with another group and it offsets everything. He must be really social.. But he was also wearing a Beanie today so I was able to spot him out pretty quickly.. He was really cute running.. haha. I was like distracted the whole time we were playing those games just watching him. Then after that class, it was time for Spanish! My favorite class in the whole world!!

But today was such a short scheduled day - the class was only 30 minutes long. So when I had time to "socialize," Jake and I would only talk for a bit. We talked about Fat Albert [hahahaha] and about the homework. I helped him out with it a bit. *tee hee* I also told him that I talked to Ashley, and now I'm afraid that I may have upset him just a bit. I know that he doesn't mind talking about it - but I hope I didn't make him feel uncomfortable. But before I knew it, it was time to go - and I didn't ask him about the Sadies pictures either.. Tomorrow is a 1st period and 3rd period schedule too.. So I won't have a class with him! Ugh.. So I'll have to try and talk to him during passing time of testing and 1st period. Hopefully I'll talk to him online today too.

But another thing that happened that last night that I've been thinking about. My friend and I in the past had added Jon to our MSN lists and, seriously, we like freak out or kinda like celebrate everytime Jake or some guy that I like comes online. Well, last night she was like "OMG!!" and I was like "what?" But what I didn't realize was that Jon had signed in - but I didn't notice it cause Jon had blocked me (and possibly deleted me) ... Now when I found this out, I was kinda upset.. I mean this was the guy that I had loved so much... But then after about 5 minutes, I realized that he was just that type of a guy. Sure, he was hella cute and SEEMED sweet and nice.. but everyone had told me things about him that made me think twice about his actions. *sigh* So I figured that Jon didn't like me and that he would never want to talk to me again - so I took the biggest move in my life and blocked and deleted him from my MSN list. I guess that everytime I look back on him - I'll just have to remember the good times of when I would watch from afar, cause in reality - I was nothing more. I wish things could have been differently.. but I can't really change what others do or decide. So, I guess in a way I've gotten over Jon. I'll always love him though. I won't forget him. But yet I wish I never got so attached or attracted to him .. all it's ever put me through was even more heartache and misery.

Part of the thing that made me realize that I had to get over Jon was Jake himself. Jake and I are like good friends right now. I'm pretty sure he knows that if he wants someone to talk to that he can ALWAYS come to me, and I think now we're at that point in a friendship where we're both comfortable with each other. Now what's left is to actually start doing things together. I'm still amazed at how far I've come with Jake. I remember when I would watch him in Spanish and be like ".. I just wish I could be his friend or something .." and now! LOOK AT THIS!! We talk online whenever he comes online - we talk in Spanish like everyday we have Spanish.. And .. Ugh.. We're just doing so great in our friendship. I'm so incredably thankful that this has happened to me. It's seriously so hard for me to believe this. Hehe.

So, now I'm just waiting online for Jake to come online. I only got 2 hours on this computer and currently, my dad's not home so I can stay on the computer till he comes back and he wont even know that I have spent an hour online already - so I can keep those 2 hours and come online over bits of time until I catch Jake online and use them all on him. Hehe. Cause usually when I'm on the computer all I do is talk to Angela and wait for Jake to come online - but usually when he comes online, I would only have like 5 - 10 minutes to talk to him before I would have to go. So, now I'm getting wiser and know the tricks of the trade. Muaha. So anyways..

I'm still a little stuffy in the nose.. I hope the throat thing is completely gone by tomorrow and I also hope that tomorrow I can put beside my wall of shyness and walk up to Jake and just kinda talk to him. I really haven't done that besides in Spanish. I've only talked to him once during passing time, and it was to ask him for Spanish homework.. Stupid I know.. But it was a major step for me.. ;D

So, there ya have it.. I guess I'm gonna make like a butterfly and flutter around till I spot Jake. Oh!! And I'll post part of a conversation that I had with him that really REALLY was just really sweet.. It was so nice of him.. So I'll post that and then I'll put a lyric thing too. So, enjoy your day today. I know I have. ;D

**These conversations are taken out of context and kinda don't fit together - cause there's filler and I just want to post what was refuring to me and him. So here ya go - they were all from yesterday.. Jake is the one with the all CAPS screen name.**

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the great disappointment says:

i mean, i hope i dont sound like im lecturing you or anything

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

no no you're not

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the great disappointment says:

i dont like to see friends hurt or upset or whatever the case may be.

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

ur hella cool

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

like everyone's like look at that goth over ther when they walk by u and im with em and i hit em and yell at em

the great disappointment says:

you do?

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

so many people say "be how you want to be" and then they hate by what they see

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

yeah

the great disappointment says:

yeah, hypocrites

the great disappointment says:

people these days can be so inconsiderate.

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

i knkow

the great disappointment says:

i mean, doens't like your best friend talk to you about this stuff?

the great disappointment says:

like dont you discuss this with others?

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

yeah

the great disappointment says:

okay

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

but they all say get over her

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

and that's not what i want to do

the great disappointment says:

thats cause they don't see it through your perspective

the great disappointment says:

i mean, how would they react if the love of their life dumped them ? they wouldn't wanna get over it

GOD DAMN I AM SUCH A JERK says:

exactly

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the great disappointment says:

did you get pictures taken?

EL SCORCHO says:

yeah

EL SCORCHO says:

ill give u a wallet if u want ton

EL SCORCHO says:

one*

the great disappointment says:

yeah, i was gonna ask that. thanks haha

EL SCORCHO says:

ur welcome

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mobscene says:

hey i gotta get your thoughts on me for my health project. i need you just to describe me

mobscene says:

in a few words

ALL NIGHT DINER says:

okay

ALL NIGHT DINER says:

ur caring, helpful, truthful, strong-willed, individualistic and cool

mobscene says:

thank you

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There are other times where he's been really nice and said things like that, but those are the most recent. ;D

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"The four letter word got stuck in my head

The dirtiest word that I've ever said

It's making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I love you

And what is worse I really do

Oh what is worse I'm gonna run run run

'Till the sweetness gets to you

And what is worse I love you!

Hey please baby come back

There'll be no more loving attack

And I'll be keeping it cool tonight.

The four letter word is out of my head

Come on around get back in my bed

Keep making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I like you

And what is worse I really do

Things have been worse

And we had fun fun fun

'Till I said I love you

And what is worse I really do!

For what it's worth I love you

And what is worse I really do."

--The Cardigans, "For What It's Worth"

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