I was reading Kami's diary and it's making me realize how much everyones actions are hurting others. I want her to be incorperated in things with everyone.. but then I don't - ya know? Cause I'll be honest.. Whenever she does something with everyone - she turns out to be the 3rd wheel.. and it seriously isn't our fault. It's the fast pace that everyone is in and she seems to be stuck on slow.

I really want her to be okay with everyting. I know it's hurting her but then again - it was her idea. I don't know what else to say about that. She's constructed this barrier around her from which she's complaining about. I personally don't want things to be how they are right now. I would rather have it like it was before. It was fun before when everyone was carefree and more suseptable to having fun than taking things wrong and ruining things - and that goes for everyone; not just Kami.

But I must say, that since the plan has started - a lot of good things have been going on. Since all this happened/started - I've gotten to know Jake a lot more; Angela has found someone to love; and there's ultimately not as much stress or things to have to worry about. But that doesn't necissarily means that it all happened casue SHE'S not there now. I'm lost on this topic.. I want her there but when she's not there -there's been a lot of great things happening.

But I don't want her to think that she can't talk to me. She can always .. ALWAYS call me. I'll always be her friend and I'll always be there for her; Till now and into the future - I'll be there. I'm going to support her in whatever decision she makes too - cause it's her life and whatever she believes would be right - I'll support her in it. But I also want her to know that I want to take a part in her life. I don't like just ignoring friends.. Things can be fixed.. This isn't some intense dramatic 1940's filmoir.. It's the 00's.. Things can be healed - it only takes time.

But I also know how it is to feel like you're loosing something you don't have any control over. The feeling that you're loosing grip with everyone and everything and you can't seem to do anything about it. I have that feeling right now with Jake and I. I think that I'm loosing touch with him - but I'm sure that in reality I'm not. Like he's told me before-he has a busy Spring Break.. and I can't expect him to make time for me.. But I know that this situation with Jake and I isn't like Kamis situation..

Anyways.. I'm gonna stop typing about that.. Don't wanna spark another conversation about how everyones being mean to Kami. Cause this entree wasn't yelling or anything.. I'm just kinda reasoning with myself.

I'm gonna try to have Trevor and Angela over today. Maybe we can do something with skateboarding or maybe working on Angela and I's band. Muaha. I think its gonna be called "Transpherencies" ::spelt that wrong:: but okay.

I should be going.. Short entree for day.. Heh.. Well to me this is short.. Haha.. I'll update later tonight.

=->