Okay, I was reading Angela's and Kami's diary. And I have to say that after I read both of them - I found it quite offensive that Kami found Angela's diary funny. But it's her opinion. I don't mind that. But yeah, how would Kami feel if everyone found HER feelings and thoughts funny? That no one took her seriously. I mean - Angela's feelings are serious - this isn't a fucking joke to be laughing at. But hey - I can't prevent how others interpret things. Then again I can't prevent idiots from being born..

I mean, how could anyone find anyones feelings funny? Those aren't things that should be mistaken as something hilarious.. If you tend to feel that way when someone expresses how they feel - you're an inconsiderate prick. That's just that.

I'm just going to touch quickly on this next subject [cause I'm not going to spend my whole day focusing on this *event*] but I've cut it off with Kami. Feels a lot better that I don't have to deal with all the shit that went on with her. I said some things to her but everyone knows that what I say is honest - I won't sugar coat shit. It's just a matter of time till someone got told off by me - and it happened that Kami was that person. But what I don't get is how she says that we need to get over her [or she basically said that] .. does she think we'll have a hard time getting over her? HA HA. Oh, wait.. did you not hear that?? Maybe I'll say it louder.. HA HA. I can't help but think that her saying that is a bit self-centered [in other words, conceited.] but hey - she can think what she wants. But I will no longer pay any attention to her issues that she'll bring up in her diary later on - nor will I waste some of the space on my diary entree's dedicated to useless rants on how I feel towards Kami. It's pointless if all she's going to do is laugh.

But before I go, I would like to paste part of what Kami said in her diary:

"now you lil kiddies, can go type in your journals and try to get back at me for what i typed, does it look like i give a damn?"

Little kiddies? I'm sorry but I didn't know that laughing at peoples emotions - and saying how "I don't give a damn" was mature and how trying to reason with things was immature.. And how dare she assume that I would want to get back at her. For your info - what I had typed ahead about Kami was not getting back at her but meerly stating my opinion.. which ALSO for you information - this diary is NOT meant to be talking to Kami nor Angela nor anyone who even reads this diary. This diary was/is/will always be for ME. Has everyone forgotten that I was the one who had the diaryland account first? Has everyone forgetten that I was the one that said everyone should've gotten one too? People are so self-centered these days - they purely think that my diary is meant just for them to read. But it's not for them OR anyone else. So don't feel special. This is a place for me to reflect on my own things.. So if you got shit with this diary - go take those feelings - write them down - and shove them in your ass cause I fucking don't care. It wasn't intended for you to read this and if I feel as if you've got shit with me - I'll simply block you from reading this diary. Got that? Good.

Well.. Moving on in a small way - I want to refure to my title of this entree.. Or what I would have liked it to be.. "I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.." There are a lot of people that I have a changed mind about and a lot of people that I would just love to flip off.. Lots of people that I don't like anymore and lots of people that I hate. Simply stating that my two middle fingers don't seem to be enough anymore.

Today for me was a good day. I've been having a great week so far. On Monday I spent lunch with Emily, Kensey who is pretty cute, Jake, Brittany and some other girl. They're a cool group. We just spent lunch with them again today too. But I feel as if Loretta and Angela don't really care.. I feel as if they're being ignored.. I try to incorperate them but like I said before - they don't know Emily or the others so it's kinda hard to fit them in. But it's so great now.. I'm like hanging out with Jake and everyone.. It's so fun and plus I'm making friends with Kensey who I think kinda likes me. I don't know - she probably acts like that to every guy she knows though. But it's such a fun time over there.. Just gotta talk to Jake a bit more cause he's usually talking to Emily or Brittany - I think he's a bit shy to talk to me directly - but I'm working on that..

Today in Spanish it was so great. I was talking to like everyone today.. I get so sociable in that class.. It's amazing cause I just talk to everyone and make them laugh - it's great to make someone feel better. But anyways, I was like talking to everyone and Jake was saying how his back hurts cause I guess that he was skateboarding and trying to make it over a hole and the back truck hit the side and he flipped forward and his legs hit the back of his head.. Imagine that! I was like O_O! WOW! So he's still hurting from that.. and ow it hurts just thinking about that.. But we talked then and I also got more validictation on that he knows my name! When we were eating donuts in class [cause our teacher lost a bet] he was like "I can't eat this donut.. It's all you Jeff! Eat it!" and so I was like.. "Hell yeah!!" and like scarfed it down.. haha.. But yeah .. He said my name! He knows my name!! Wooho!! Okay.. ::calms down:: Tee Hee..

So yeah, I also talked to Jake online yesterday too - we talked about old records and the beatles and the music he likes. It was cool - so yeah - we bonded a bit.. Hehe. I'm gonna try to talk to him during lunch a bit more.. Try to get him open to the idea of including me in his conversations.. But we'll have to see.

And lately I've been listening to a lot of Korn and Marilyn Manson. That should mean something .. cause when I listen to those bands that means I want to express my anger.. Usually heavy stuff gets that out of me.. Just listening to it. Thats why I have respect for Music artits.. cause the things you do in a minute is done.. You can't go back and change it - so if you spend that minute listening to a song from a band - then that band has made its point across and has gotten you to spend ONE minute of YOUR life to listen to them. Did that make sense? Well.. Doesn't matter.

Well, things are going good in my life. I'll be honest with myself - I was thinking about suicide a couple of weeks ago but it was drained out when I was getting concerned with Angela's behaviour and her situations.. that I just kinda stopped those thougts. And then all this great stuff has been happening with Jake and stuff in classes and things.. And it's really making me see the positive things in life now. I've cut off a detrimental friendship and although I feel sad about it.. It's not my fault .. I can't change how things happen in life.

But before I go I would like you to download, "Angel With The Scabbed Wings" by Marilyn Manson. And for the song that is personally linking to me - download: "Fake" "Lies" by Korn. I'll post the lyrics of one of them in here.

But I also want to take a paragraph out of Marilyn Manson's autobiography that I would like EVERYONE to read. So don't skip it ..

" Occasionally, something will happen that will change your opinion of someone irrevocably, that will shatter the ideal you've built up around a person and force you to see them for the fallible and human creature they really are. This happened when we were heading home after churche one day, goofing off in the back seat of her mother's car. Lisa was making fun of how skinny I was, and I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up. As she began to laugh, she spewed a huge wad of thick, lime-green snot into my hand. It didnt' seem real, which made it even more revolting. When I pulled away, a long string of it hung between my fingers and her face like apple taffy. Lisa, her mother and I were all equally horrifed and embarrassed. I couldn't get rid of the feeling of her mucus stretched out and webbed between my fingers. In my mind, she had debased herself and shown me her true nature, proven herself to be a monster behind a mask, much like I imagined Reverend Angley to be. She wasn't any better than me, as her mom would have me believe. I didn't say another word to her--not then or ever. "

-- "The long hard road out of hell" Marilyn Manson

That little quote was meant for something that happened yesterday. So I'll be moving onto the song.

"I can't stand the sight of you

I can't stand what you put me through

Your life's a lie, but you hide

Is it that terrible being you inside?

I can't stand, oh, the thought of you

I can't stand all the things you do

What do you try to justify?

You were just too scared to be you inside.

You try so hard to be wanted

-False emotions tells you fronted

I feel being a person relies on one thing:

Be yourself, let you come through

You're too afraid to really be

Someone who has the thoughts who doesn't care to be"

--"Fake" Korn

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