[This entree was originally started at 5:22 PM]

Today has been a great day. Well in the most perspectives it was.

First period was actually pretty humourous.. HAHAHAHAHA. We had this terrible sub who was like Lorane from MADtv.. Oh my god it was so fucking hilarious. ::grabs baby .. looks around room .. devours the baby:: HAhahahaha..

Okay, second period was actually pretty great. I wasn't really listening to the teacher but like everyone around me pulled in and we figured out all the homework problems.. It was so great. We got a lot of stuff done and I also socialized with new people. It seems that lately I've been really socializing.. I mean I have like .. Lemme count -- 16 new friends over like a a 5 day period. It's so amazing. But yeah, Math we sorted out the problems and frankly.. I actually got some right! We checked in the back of the book to see if we got the right answers and guess what? We did! Woohoo.. And I was supposed to stay after school but our teacher wasn't there and we had a substitue who looked and acted like Rodney Dangerfield. Ya know that guy who would always be like, "I get no respect -- I tell ya.." .. But yeah - I meant that as a complament to the teacher. He was cool. Anyways.

Then lunch came by and that was pretty fun. Always has been since Monday [not saying that before Monday Lunch wasn't fun -- cause I like live for lunch.. Just that Lunch now is getting a lot more enjoyable for me] And I talked to Kensey more.. I found out that she does NOT have a boyfriend... And there were a few hints here and there that were said by each other that kinda went by as if we were saying to each other that we should. Like, she said something "mean" [but playfully said] amd I was like, "Oh, well now you've ruined any chance for me to go out with you!" [said that jokingly] and she was like, "Oh, well you didn't.. :)" And that was kinda a sign by her that she is/was interested. Plus we flirt a lot at lunch by talking and stuff. It's great. So after lunch, I went off to Guitar where I talked to Katie about her and she knew her somehow and she offered to talk to her for me and ask her if she likes me too.

So after Guitar [which was kinda fun.. just talked the whole time] I went back to Kensey [who at the time took Hor Hay from me for the whole 3rd period cause she just loves him so much] and I got Hor Hay and I made up the excuse that I immediately had to go meet a friend [which I did -- I had to meet Angela] and that I couldn't talk. So after I left -- I turned around and saw Katie talking to Kensey about me. And so I went to go find Angela and we talked about what we would do after school cause we planned to hang out after school. So after that, I was about to leave when I see Katie coming my way and strangely she had Health with Angela too. So I ran up to her and she told me that she was like, "Hey Kensey, Do you like Jeff?" [putting emphasis on "like"] and Katie told me that Kensey responded with, "Yes!!" [with enthusiasm]. So I guess now I know that Kensey likes me. :) It makes me feel really confident now.. Here's my plan.. [haha.. plan.. sounds funny] Well I'm gonna spend this coming week just flirting and talking to her more.. To get to know her more and stuff.. Then on the next week [which would be on the 12th] then I might ask her out. We'll have to see if things change.. Hopefully not. But I'm just so excited cause when Katie told me that I was just like .. YAY!! I was just so thrilled that she liked me. I haven't had a girl be attracted to me in a long time.. But I seriously don't see what she's attracted to.. But hey, I can't argue with it. Who knows? In 2 weeks you might see me with a new girlfriend. :)

So after that, I went to Spanish and I asked Jake if he had broken up with Brittany yet -- he said he didn't and that he would do it after school. So I guess he was kinda afraid to do it after 3rd.. But hey, I don't blame him.. Breaking up is a hard thing. So that period was kinda boring.. Just took a test and watched the rest of that movie. Nothing happened.. But then after class I was waiting for Angela by the gates and I saw Jake talking to Brittany in the quad and I was like .. frozen cause I was waiting to see if I could decipher what they were saying.. Then after a few minutes Jake left and Brittany started walking towards the gate where I was. Then Angela came and I felt like I needed to talk to Brittany cause you know after a breakup usually someone wants to talk about it. So I was like "Hey Brittany, What did Jake have to say?" and she told me that he had broken up with her but that she thought it was a good choice and that she wasn't sad/mad or upset cause she isn't that type of a girl. She said she would only be mad if he broke up the friendship too -- cause she told me that she really likes him. So after that she left her own way and I went with Angela to walk down to McD's and while we were walking.. guess who's in front of us walking too? Brittany. So I caught up to her and we started talking more about the breakup till the corner where she had to go meet up with her mother. But we talked about things and it was really cool. At least she got to talk a bit cause it didn't seem like anyone was there for her after that. So after that we said bye and Angela and I walked over to McD's.

On the way we just kinda talked about current stuff. Nothing big. Then we got to McD's and talked about things in her Health class [;D] and then we walked over to Sniffway where we looked at magazines and I 'accidently' stole a David Silveria picture out of a magazine and stuffed it into my backpack.. I mean.. How did it get there?? I don't know.. Hm.. Hehe. But yeah after that we got some gum and walked out where we encountered the geese.. The deadliest bird in the .. Granite Bay region.. where I [sadly] attempted to chuck rocks at them.. but only missed and had Angela laugh her fucking ass of at my pathetic attempts.. haha.. Yeah it was fun. Then we walked over to Ralphs and I called my dad to come pick us up and we got picked up and dropped her off. And that was that I guess. But it was a pretty fun time. ;D

But then when I got home -- I asked my dad about the whole thing going on for tomorrow [Andy's birthday/movie/dinner] and my dad was fucking yelling at me about my F in Math and how I wouldn't talk to my teacher about it and how I had all this week to do it and that if I didn't get a good grade on the Quiz we took 2 days ago that

1. I won't be able to do anything for the rest of the whole month. [Which means no hanging out on the weekends, staying after school with friends, going to people's houses, going to movies.. ETC..]

and

2. I won't be able to have a birthday party for me, or anyone else this whole month.[Meaning I won't be able to go to a birthday thing for Loretta nor I.]

And I'm not even counting all the times he'll probably bitch to me about the computer [which he might take that away as well] and stuff. So this fucking blows. Now I really hope I did well on that Quiz. Not only so I can spare my social life but so I can fucking prove wrong to my rents for not trusting my word and for degrading me as low as they did today.

So as you can see a lot of things are going on.. But I guess I am able to go tomorrow. I think what I'll end up doing is walking over to Angela's at 12:00 to hang out till 4:00 then meet Loretta and Andy at the movies and then go from there. So I'll be able to spend 4 hours with Angela before hand.

And on top of that I have all this stress [but it's like the kinda stress that's positive -- ya know?] of thinking/contemplating of asking Kensey out. I know that it'll be a lot different and BETTER than the relationship [if thats what you call it] with Ashley. Cause Ashley was a bitch.. She was boring and she really wasn't interested in me at all. But with Kensey she like talks to me all the time and she loves me. Even if she declines me when I ask her out I know she likes me enough to be my friend. So I'm just cool if she says no. Either way I'm just kinda glad that we're friends.

I just can't handle all this shit that my rents are putting onto me. I don't get why they have to be such fucking assholes to me. It's times like these that make me SWEAR to myself that when/if I do have children of my own -- I'm gonna be the best fucking father ever. I'm not going to be a bitch for the sake of it but be fair and respect my own children. But yeah, anyways.

I just don't like what my rents are doing. It may seem like nothing but it just detereorates whatever motivation I once had to do anything. They drain the life/will out of me everytime we talk. I'm just living in stride till I get a car of my own so I can just drive away from all the negativity in my life. But until then..

.. Well I'm kinda thinking about what would happen if I did go out with Kensey -- Like what would we do.. how would we act.. Would it last.. What would happen.. Ya know? And then if we didn't go out -- what would happen? I don't know.. I'm unsure. Like I said, I'll just have to wait to see what happens next week and how things correlate and stuff. Hopefully she really does like me and things will work out ya know? I don't want to get serious for a relationship and have it only last for a few weeks.. or not have one at all.

So anyways.. I think I'm gonna stay online till Kensey comes online so I could talk to her or something. Strange how my attention is moving from Jake to Kensey.. I mean.. I love Jake a lot and I still am attracted to him.. hehe -- he got his hair cut and its really hot.. but anyways.. It's not like I have even the slimest chance with him so I guess I just need to try to go for the things I could actually have a chance for.

So yeah. Nothing really else going on. I'm just hoping to god that I passed that Quiz in Math. Cause I really wanna have a great birthday party for me and Loretta and now I wanna invite like Jake, Brittany, Emily, Matt, Kensey and Julie to all come.. Maybe we could all go to see a movie! Wouldn't that be awesome.. But yeah.. But if I do end up getting a bad grade -- fuck my rents. I'm just going to postpone it till June.. And hey.. In just like a few weeks summer's gonna be here!! And I'm really looking forward to that now. I just can't wait to do stuff with everyone.. Including the new people I've made friends with. And if I have to move.. I'm just going to try to make the best out of it. Things happen for a reason and I'll make more friends over there and I'll definetly try to continue my friendships with everyone from school here in GB. And if I end up going out with Kensey .. and it lasts that long then when I get my car I'll come by and pick her up sometimes and we'll hang out. So I don't see why I was bugging.. I just don't want to go through the hassel of leaving everything behind. I just don't want to do that. I've done it 3 times before in the past and it just fucks up things. And I usually have a hard time adapting to new situations -- so if we were to move I'd be eternally pissed off at my rents for fucking up a lot of shit.. then I'd be detached from everyone at the school over there.. I just know that I'll turn right back into the old me there and just be reclusive. I've created such a great "image" here that is so true to who I really am. But for me I don't go by an image anymore. I am who I am. There is no fake sheild witholding me from anyone and anyone who calls me fake is an ignorant bastard. Obviously if they're one to point their finger and flat out call me fake then they have no sense of who I really am. Cause over the past months I've changed -- evolved.. and the person who I used to be [sad, depressed, upset.. etc..] doesn't show in me anymore and now I'm more enjoyable and suseptable to the happy things in life. But then again -- who am I to say that there's only one side of me that is permanent? People don't have just one side of them -- that would be so narrow-minded.. Cause people change over time. So people who claim to say "Hey, you're being fake" or "Hey, why aren't you yourself anymore?" are narrow-minded themselves. Just how things are.. And the depression and things that I used to think about seem to have subsided within me [or at least for the mean-time] and really the only remotely negative feelings I feel are anything related to anger. I really need to work on my anger too.

Well.. I think I'm going to stop typing cause if it were up to me I would just type endlessly till I passed out of exhaustion. I'll try to change some things with my template and stuff so next time you come back or something look around to see if you notice anything new. :) And I'm still waiting for either Kensey or Jake to come online. :) So hehe. I'll update later.. Lemme get a song for you all since you've been such a great reader!

Okay, todays song is kinda long. But it's such a great song, what I would recomend [so it's more enjoyable for you] is Download the song and read the lyrics as you're listening to them. The song is: "From A Balance Beam" by Bright Eyes. So download that and once that is done, read the lyrics below. It truely is a great song:

"There is a man holding a megaphone, so he must have been the voice of God.
The bystanders claimed they saw angels flying up and down the block.
Well, they must have been attached to wires. I saw one laying in the lawn with a broken arm, so I called 911.
So that is one less founded opinion. One more cause for a dispute.
So the street filled, like a basin, up with cameras and their crews and they washed away the rumors leaving just the concrete truth. It was a spectacle.
No, I mean a miracle.
So then I fell like that girl from a balance beam.
A gymnasium of eyes were all holding on to me. I lifted one foot to cross the other and I felt myself slipping.
It was a small mistake. Sometimes that is all it takes.
Now I'm staring at my wrist, hoping that the timing is right. When the planes will align.
There will be no planets to align. Just the carcass of the sun and those little painted marbles spinning endless through an endless black sky.
(and so it never started and it will never stop just like I am and you are)
It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change.
And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been.
I emerged to find the parallels were fewer. I was cleansed. I looked in the mirror and someone new was there.
Still, I was as helpless as a chess piece when I was lifted up by someone's hand and delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in.
But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell that is myself.
So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you have waited for this day and finally you are free! You are free! You are freezing."
Now I'm staring at the sun, waiting for it to explode. Because a day is gonna come, don't know when but it will come and then we will finally know the way out of here.
And I will throw away this wrinkled map and my chart of stars and compass, cracked.
And I'll climb out that tree all wet with sap to avoid the hungry beasts below.
I'll cut out my love's tongue and sing of a graveyard gray and a garden green and then we won't have to worry no more.
No we won't ever worry again about how this song or story ends about how this song and story will end."

--"From A Balance Beam" Bright Eyes

Well.. I hope you actually downloaded the song and read the lyrics. Well, I'll update tomorrow.. Hopefully it won't be so stressfull as it was today [but today kind of had the good stress -- ya know with Kensey and all :)] So yeah, I'll write in here later.

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