Woke up this morning. Wishing it was the weekend. I haven't gotten a nice regular nights sleep in such a long time. Amazing how I last through the days.

I got up reluctantly and went to school. Nothing exciting. Saw Kensey and Emily talking. Didn't do anything about it though. Then I went to Health nothing big happend. Watched a movie. Saw a cute guy in the film -- sucks that he died of a drug overdose.

Lately I've been thinking about drugs and stuff [considering we're spending so much time in Health talking about it and stuff] and I've done drugs in the past. Nothing too harsh -- never got or was addicted to anything. I can smoke fags [fags = ciggs, just brittish term for them] and I don't get addicted.. I just do it as a stress reliever .. even though it doesn't really do anyting. Just kind of a bad habbit. But yeah.. I feel like I really could use something right now.

Anyways.. Second period rolled around and I saw Kensey.. Talking to someone else, I walked by her and even stopped so I could say hi, but she didn't acknolege me. I felt so fucking retarded just standing there.. so I left.

Then inside the Math building.. Angela and I were sitting down and I saw Jake walking by.. And you know how people will walk by, knowing you're there but wont look at you but you KNOW that they know you're there? Well, if that made any sense, he was doing that. So I was like, "Hey Jake!" and I waved and then he turned around and was like "Hey.." and waved sorta too. Then he went to class.. and I felt kinda happy that I did that.. Just kinda spur of the moment.

Then in Math nothing big happened either. Took some homework -- which my rents are bitching to me about to study. So I'll do that later tonight.

Then I went to Guitar. Roxy bought me some cookies and snuck them into class for me since she has 1st lunch and I have 2nd. It was kind of her. ;D. Practiced some guitar -- which I was able to transform the bass part of "Out Of Gas" to guitar. It was cool, and I showed Lauren Patterson it too. She loves them now cause of me. Hehehehe.

Then lunch came around and I showed Brittany some Modest Mouse, and she was like "I don't like a lot of bass..." and I was like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!" .. Psh.. Bass is awesome. Anyways.. Then I also showed everyone the orgasm song.. "Slippage" by Goldfrapp. Muahaha. They all thought it was humouris. Anyways.. After that.. We all kinda talked and stuff. I talked to Kensey a bit more. Talked to everyone really. And I also sneezed and like.. if you know me you know that when I sneeze.. it's violent. So I sneezed and threw up my soda and I backed up.. and guess where the soda lands? On my fucking head. So yeah.. It was fun -- luckily the top was still on it ;). And then I showed Emily this guy who's hella hot. I don't know his name.. but he was wearing an orange tank top.. and he's short.. but OH so hot! He looks like a junior or senior.. but I'm not sure.. But ugh!! So hot.. anyways..

Then Spanish rolled around and I performed a small skit to the class with Joel Pitra. Then I took a test.. I hope I did well on it [I bet I didn't do well.. but whatever..] And I also was kinda observing what Jake would do. He does the cutest things sometimes.. You just have to see him at the right time. Then that was about it in Spanish.. I think I'm going to have to take it for summer school -- cause I have a D in it and I know that I wont pass with a C or better. It will suck. Cause this weeks homework assignment packet has 7 things in it.. and I only have 3 of them. So yup, it sucks.

Then I came home and realized that Jake hasn't been online for like.. 3 weeks. So I asked Brittany Lusso if he was on at that time, and she said he was. But on my list -- he isn't.. So at the time I had thought he blocked me.. I was confused cause he wouldnt' do that you know? And so I was upset at that.. left for a while and sat outside for a bit.. Tried to think what I had said to him last.. Then I called Roxy and we had planned to go somewhere around 6, but my father said no.. That I needed to study and all this shit.. So she dropped by, I gave her the Goldfrapp CD that I burned her and then she gave me 3 CD-R's to burn the Marilyn Manson CD's I have for one of her friends.. So yeah, I have to do that. And then I told her I couldn't go anywhere.. and then I realized that ..

No one likes me parents.. and I don't blame them!! I hate my rents.. my father is the only one I have some respect left for -- but my step-mom.. that's out of the question.. anywyas..

Then I came online, and I talked to Emily a bit and she asked Jake if he had blocked me on MSN cause he was on and yet he still wasn't on my list. And he said "No, he's offline for me" .. And I didn't get it.. I NEVER blocked him, and I was like, "What the.." and then Emily said that I wanted to talk to him about Spanish or something, and he was like "is he on?" and well, I guess that MSN is fucked up and he wont see me online and I can't see him online.. It sucks. Hopefully this shit will be fixed SOON! I'll try talking to Jake about it tomorrow if I don't get shy about it..

And I guess Emily will be trying to talk to Jake about the sexuality stuff.. and I have yet to ask her about if she has talked to Kensey. But things will work themselves out with due time. I just want MSN to quit being such a fucking bitch and work properly!! And why Jake?!?! Why not some other fucking retard on my list that I never talk to?!?! .. ::is enraged:: ..

Well.. Nothing to really type about. I really have the URGE to listen to 'The Lonesome Crowded West' CD by Modest Mouse but I gave it to Angela to burn a copy for me.. So I had to do without it for today.. :( .. I just feel like taking an alternate route besides electronica.. I've been listening to 'Black Cherry' for like.. everyday since I bought it non-stop.. So I really need to take a break so I don't get annoyed with it. That's why my playlist on Kazaa is all Modest Mouse as we speak ;).

So I'm gonna study a bit tonight.. I have a quiz in Math tomorrow.. Spanish homework.. And we have like 18 days left of school. So short.. Yet my grades suck so much. And my rents won't quit being on my ass until I have C's or better on my report card. Which will be hard. But I'm gonna try to make it work. Spanish is all I'm worried about really.

This summer will be something to kinda look forward too.. But this will fucking BLOW if MSN doesn't fucking work!! Cause my goal is to do something with Jake this summer and online is the only way to talk to him. So yeah, I'm pissed off about that.

Well, I just talked to Ashley about it and she says that his computer does that from time to time.. That it's done it to her too a few times.. So I don't know.. Maybe she's right. But I don't know..

Moving on really quickly..

Loretta wants a big party thing for her bday, to go to a movie, then dinner, then watch another movie at her house.. and she wants Angela, Me and Andy to go.. I don't think so... I don't wanna go cause first off.. I'm getting pretty damn tired of her. And Secondly cause she'll totally blow us off at the movie and everywhere.. I just know it.. It's not only annoying but embarrassing cause I don't wanna ever.. EVER want to be a third wheel. And I never will be. That's kinda a reason why I have so many groups of friends.. I'm never fucked that way if someone is abscent one day.. I always have someone to go to that's willing to actually hang out with me. I have a wide friend base.. and I'm glad about that.. So yeah, I don't know about her bday thing. Cause she totally stole my idea to have a big party at the movie theaters.. I think what I'm gonna do is invite everyone I know to go see a movie [but I ain't payin for anyone] but that we all meet there in the theater and hang out and watch the movie.. and then like walk to In-n-out or something. Maybe we could all go to Sunsplash too.. I have no fucking clue. Anyways.. I just want everyone to be there and to have fun. Maybe all come to my house.. even though I don't knwo what the fuck we'd do with all those people.. And knowing that most of the groups don't know each other.. so it'd be like school and I'd have to migrate to group to group. But who knows.. Make new friends whatever.. I'll have to figure something out soon. My bday is in 15 days. May 27th. ;D

So I guess I'm gonna go now.. Still don't have Jake online for me.. ::UGH:: but I'll try to work on it. I'll update later. See ya.

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