Well, I just got back from hanging out with Roxy. Towards the end I suddenly didn't feel like I wanted to do anything anymore.. I didn't talk much and I was being a total asshole. I feel bad about it now. I still feel the same way, and I don't know why, don't know how, don't know anything. All I know is as soon as I got out of Sam Goody I didn't wanna do anything.. didn't wanna talk or be all giddy like I usually am with my friends. Just slumped over and became a wallowing black hole of despair.

Earlier I had wanted to rent a movie .. I don't wanna watch a movie anymore. I also wanted to watch MADtv.. Even though I probably will watch it, I don't really want to. I want to take down the posters in my room. I feel that they're too flashy and useless. Much like the type of a thing you'd see at the store -- be excited about it and buy it immediately then when you get home you're like.. "why the fuck did I buy this shit?" and end up throwing it on a shelf and forgetting about it.

I had called Angela just a bit ago too and I wasn't really talkitive, so I did us both a favor and said I should go. Like she said previously, "NTDFNR." Normal Teen Depression For No Reason.

I wanna go to bed and not awaken. Sometimes I wonder if life right now is all just a dream, and when we die, we wake up in a bed and life starts over.. Then we die again and wake up from another dream. But we never remember the dream and we just keep going.. What if everyone in the world are all the original people from before just in a different body -- like there's so many original people and they just keep dying and coming back, but the spirits remain the same.

I want to talk to Jake but he isn't online. I'd like to feel something other than this daunting emotion of uselessness. At least when Jakes around I feel like I have a purpose.

I don't feel like typing anymore, so see ya.