[This entree was originally started at 3:43PM on 5.23.03]

Okay, today was awesome. And like I had promised yesterday -- this will be a long-ass entree, with every detail and information bit so for you [hopefully just my diary..] can invision yourself as if you were me going through today. Good deal huh?

I woke up by myself at 6:12, and when I first glanced at my clock I immediately thought I was late for school. That's been popping into my mind whenever I wake up in the morning, I don't know why though. But I went to bed last night with no covers on and just layed in bed. It was hella hot last night, I hate it in the summer when you start to stick to your sheets and shit, it's disgusting.

I got dressed and everything, then I popped in The Cardigans, "Long Gone Before Daylight" CD into my portable player and walked to the bus stop. I dont really like going to my bus stop, I mean I used to be tormented by the thought of just standing there with all those other people there and stuff. Considering a few of them don't like me, and used to and or do pick on me. So I always have my CD player on so I don't have to listen to them, and it sort of creates a barrier between I and them.. which makes me that much more comfortable.

Then I got on the bus, and talked to Angela, I don't remember if we really talked or just spaced out. If we talked today then it must have been yesterday when we really didn't talk on the bus.

After we got off the bus, we met up with Trevor and Anthony like we usually do and we went into the gym to get a drink for Angela, and when we got that I turned around and I saw Roxy walking towards me and even from afar, I could tell that something was wrong and she was feeling either really sad or upset. She came over to our group and told me that Nat [a friend of hers and I knew her from past activities which incorperated her] had taken a lot of pills yesterday [overdosed on sleeping pills and other substances] and went to school and had tried to talk to Twiggy [her ex-boyfriend] and I'm not sure what happened with that. Then by the end of first Lunch, Nat had passed out by the tree and Roxy had to carry her from there to the office and they immediately sent her to the hospital where she got her stomach pumped and now she's back home doing well. When Roxy told me I gave her a big hug and everyone in the group joined in. I think that whenever anyone realizes that someone had tried to commit suicide [no matter who it really is, except that little bitch Ryan Smith] everyone tends to get shocked and everything. It's just really scary to think about how one student could go through something which could lead them to that decision. BUT supposedly Nat said that Twiggy was NOT the reason why she overdosed.. I highly doubt that.

But after that Trevor, Anthony, Angela and I walked over to the Health rooms and talked for a bit. And remember how I promised I would talk to Jake today? Well, I did! And I guess that's the good news about it. Here's how the convo went:

"Hey Jake, Do you know if you can come on Sunday?"
"Oh yeah, I sent you an email saying I couldn't go, I'm going surfing on Sunday."
"Oh, I didn't get your email, but that's cool."
"Yeah, but thanks for inviting me."
"No problem, it's okay"

And then Trevor inturupted the conversation which was NOT the time for him to do that, I really wanted to continue to talk to Jake and junk, but no -- Trevor ruined it all!!

And Jake was looking so hot today. He was wearing a blue Tony The Tiger shirt with shorts and sandals. Which were GREAT cause.. yeah more leg for me to see! Teehee...

So I went to Health, and it was pointless, the class was shorter cause of Day @ the bay [which is were school is a minimum day but at the end of school there's activities to do] and so all we did was watch a 'The truth about sex' video which for once featured a gay male in it. But it didn't go into anything even related to gays. So it was retarded. It was an interesting video though.

Then class got out and I wanted to talk to Jake more, but everyone crowded around me [Anthony, Angela and Jeff Q] and I was distracted and thus causing me to not be able to talk to Jake. But it's alright I suppose.

Then we walked to 2nd period and before that we stopped to see Roxy and everyone else and everyone was crying there. Fluffy, Crystal and the other girl were in tears and I felt really bad for them. I gave everyone a hug and even Angela and Jeff Q joined in. I hope it made everyone feel a bit better.

After that, I walked to Math and we had a Math Field day were we just went out to the stadium and sat around. It was actually really fun. Angela and Stacey met up with me and we hung out, we went up to the top of the bleachers and were staring down at the people from the back. I saw Jake walk by, and I asked Angela if she had a water bottle and she grabbed one out of her backpack and I tried to dump some on Jake from above, but [luckily] I missed and Jake went around the pole that was inbetween us and looked up at me. I smiled at him but I was getting worried cause I was begining to think that he was getting mad at me. He told me online before that he doesn't like it when others do bad things onto others -- no matter if they know them or not. And I hope he knows that I was just playing around -- nothing serious at all. But then Stacey grabbed the water bottle from me and dumped it all on Ricky and got him wet. He got pissed off and in return, got a water balloon and threw one at ME, not STACEY.. which was actually GREAT cause it was getting fucking hot and it cooled me down. It was cool and while it was refreshing it was all in good fun. So after that we got away from the top of the bleachers and sat around at the bottom where we met up with Charles, Kami and I believe some other people as well. We just sat around and talked a bit -- they were tempting me into buying tickets to tonights Quad dance but I ended up not going cause not a lot of people were going.

After that period ended, we had break. Angela and I hung out with Kensey, Brittany, Emily and Matt, but they weren't really talking to us that much. We just kinda sat there. At that time there were Volleyball nets set up for the Day @ the day activities. Brittany will be caling me Saterday night to tell me if she will be able to attend my bday party. Right as of now, this is the FINALIZED LIST as of to my knowledge:

Angela
Kami and her friend Ashley
Jeff Q
Roxy
Trevor
Emily
Matt
Ashley B
Brittany (most likely)
Lauren (I still need to talk to her about it)

So that's like.. what.. 11 people? From my original list of 16. So I'm sure that those people will be coming [unless marked so].

After the break thingy, I went to Guitar and Mr. Everts talked about Nat [somehow that dipshit found out about it..] and I straightened his story out.. Cause obviously he's ignorant with subjects like those. Then I borrowed 2 dollars from Katie in which at the time I was hoping to buy tickets to the Quad dance, but later decided it was pointless if Angela and Trevor weren't going to go. And in that class, nothing really happened. We just talked and sat around for the 40 minutes that we had. I really should be practicing for my guitar test thats gonna be next week. The song is "Cradle Song" and it's actually difficult.. So I must actually practice it sometime.

Then when that class was over, I went out and walked part of the way to my class with Lauren. Lauren is so cool, she's like really cute and she likes Jake a lot [not as much as me..] but hey at least we got a BIG thing in common eh? So she's like a new friend of mine, and I think she might be going to my bday party too. I don't think she'll know very many people there, but hey -- the more the merry-er.

And when I was walking to class, I noticed they had a few of the slides and obstacle courses begining to inflate. It was exciting when I saw them cause I was thinking about the things I would do with all my friends after school was over. So I went to Spanish where I was gonna talk to Jake more about things, but I just didn't. But I do not feel nervious around him, I just don't want to make an ass out of myself and make it seem like I'm always around him. Cause when we were on the bleachers may I add that Angela made me sit [purposely] right behind Jake and Matt [hehe, thanks Angela ;D] and I talked to Matt a LITTLE but Jake never even noticed me I think. I'm sure he saw me but he didn't say anything to me. I wonder if he gets nervious talking to me too. But anyway, I didn't talk to Jake in that class, but OH MY GOD, I'm getting so fucking confused in that class, cause Alyssa is like.. I SWEAR TO ALLAH.. 'THE' Queen Skank. She like jiggles her fat on her legs all the time, and then like makes an ass out of her belly button and everyting. Wow, she's such a whore. But she knows this cause I tell her REPEATEDLY on a daily basis. And she gets offended when I call other people 'skanks' cause she wants to be the only one. Haha, she's cool though. And Joel is fucking hilarious, I swear, there have been numerous times when we'll be laughing so hard -- Joel would LITTERALLY have tears running down his face. And this cool guy named Michael sits in front of me too. He's a red head but he's really cool too. But I've noticed that he's doing the SAME thing I would do when Jake was sitting behind me [in our previous seating arrangement] where I would sit in my chair to the side so I could talk to Jake behind me. Strange, but he's hecka cool. And in Spanish I have this project I have to do... I'm gonna try my hardest to get an A on it.

Then after Spanish, I went out and I met up with Trevor and Jeff Q. We looked around for Angela and couldn't find her. So I was like.. "I'm hungry.. let's get food and THEN search for her!" so we all went to get a hotdog and BAM I see Angela and we all met up. Then we got in line for hotdogs and I swear.. the lady that was giving them out was like crazy. Trevor was in line ahead of me, and he got the last hotdog, and then he was like "Oh, what now?! Who's got the last hot dog?!! HAUAHAH!!" but then he gave the hotdog to me, which was really nice of him. ;D Then when they were putting more hotdogs in that trey thing, this little midgit lady was like "hot dogs! Comin through!!" and Trevor and I looked at each other and started laughing.. hahaha. So after we all got some hotdogs and food, we walked over to where the bands were actually playing [not the DJ, but the actual BANDS] and this one band was playing and they were actually really good. I was interested in who they were, I believe it was "Fall from Grace" but I'll have to see about that.

Then after we sat down, Anthony came by and we all sat down and listened to the band. I don't think Trevor or Anthony liked the band, but Angela and I loved them. They were actually good sounding and had a great singer. After we sat there for a while, I looked back to where the trail was and Roxy came around the bend, and I jumped up and ran to her to give her a hug. She was looking for Crystal and Fluffy, so we were really done eating and threw our stuff away and I let Roxy go, but before I let her go, I have her a big hug. I hope she's feeling a bit better about the Nat thing.

After that, we walked over to this big inflated slide thingy, and when it was my time to go up and jump off.. I jumped off and got this hella bad blimp burn on my elbow. I think I was supposed to be wet for that slide.. But whatever, Trevor when down it too -- I believe everyone did, it was hecka fun. So after we did that, we also went on this obstacle course thingy. Jeff and Angela went together while Trevor and I went together. Hahahah. I believe Jeff won. It was cool. Then when Trevor and I went, I went over this wall thingy, and I like flipped over it and I got yet ANOTHER blimp burn on my elbow, it pissed me off. Then Trevor fell on me on top of that. But it was funny. Trevor ended up winning.. How I loathe him.. ::shakes fist in enragement:: haha ;D

After that we moved back to where the band were [we did that like every 10 minutes to see who was playing] and on the way over there, Ashley Bitson jumps up behind me and gave me a hug. I was like "ewwwWWAAHHHH??!?!" It was hella cool. I was so happy to see her. She went with us to see the bands, and we talked for a bit, she saw some other friends too. And when we were over at where the bands were, I showed her Jake and she was like "Why don't you go over and say 'hey?'" but I didn't respond to that. Then the band started to play, I think it was Idiot Box. The first instramental they played was pretty awesome. But the first songs' vocals sucked. But I think that they just needed to warm up. During the performance I saw Jake through the crowd, I think he stuck around there the whole time. But then after that Ashley left, and we stayed around there for a bit longer. Then went back out and went on the slide a couple more times and did a few more things. We mostly just kept walking around. It was a pretty fun thing. Then towards the last hour and a half, Angela made me roll up my short sleeves so I could get my shoulders and upper arms some sun exposure.. I thought I looked pretty flamoyant but then Angela did it too and it made me feel better cause at least I wasn't alone on that. Although I probably blinded a few people.. And nothing else really BIG happened. I saw Jake playing volleyball with Joel at one point, and that was the last I saw of him. I saw Emily and Matt here and there and I also saw Brittany too.

So skipping all the little things cause they don't really interest you anyways, afterwards Angela, Jeff Q and I tried to get out of the school, but as soon as we got to this one gate, they locked it.. So we went to the next one.. and then they locked that one too!! So then we went to the main one and then finally got out and Jeff Q left and Angela and I got on the bus. We were both looking pretty sun-beaten and were kinda drained from all the other activites we did. I knew I was going to be toasted SO bad when I got home, I could just feel it. So we talked on the bus ride home. Like we were actually having a good convo about things. Then she got dropped off and I took out my CD player and listened to my 'Long Gone Before Daylight' CD by The Cardigans and when I got home, I immediately took a shower [for all you people out there -- taking showers reduces sun-burns, especially when using soap ;D] so I took a nice shower and when I got out, my dad told me we had to go to Mervyns.. And I don't know about you, but I love shopping for new things -- especially when it concerns me!

So we went to Mervyns and on the way there I was playing my Cardigans CD in the car stero and my father and I actually had a few talks here and there. It was cool. So we got to Mervyns and I found some swim shorts and they're pretty tight. My favorite pair so far. And then I also asked my dad if I could get some shirts and he said sure. So I picked out two shirts and I saw these hella tight pants with stitches everywhere, but my dad wouldn't let me get it ;(. He said "new clothes are for new school years!" and so I was like.. "oooohkayyy!" So I got those things and then we got back home, and so I started typing in here.

Then after an hour, we went back out for dinner and when I was there, I started to notice my sunburn. My god, I'm turning slowly and surely into a tomatoe. I hope thats a good thing so I can get a really nice deep tan, but I hope that it doesn't peal or anything like that.. I hope it doens't hurt tomorrow either. The worst part of the sun-burn is on my neck. Yikes! [haha]

And so I'll talk about whats going on now. Hehe.

I'm starting to get into Portishead again. I spent last night falling asleep to Portisheads "Dummy" album and I must add it's my favorite Trip Hop album I've ever heard. And I'm really looking forward to the new Portishead album coming out probably in December. Heh so yeah.

God, it's so fucking hot here all the sudden, it makes me so fucking uncomfortable cause I'm sitting here and I go through these heat strokes.. I'll feel cool one moment then really sweaty another. It pisses me off.

And so I guess that Angela got me the Marilyn Manson CD, but I won't be able to get it until Sunday.. I guess I can wait until then.. And Jeff Q got me a mug.. O_o .. Great gift huh? Haha, No, I'm sure I'll like it.. even if it is a bit.. TOO EXPENSIVE for me.. ::sarcasm:: haha.

I just talked to Angela on the phone. It was fun, hehe. We were talking about my bday gift and stuff. I now know that I got the CD and some paper thin thingy.. I bet its a .. wait a gift card? I think its a postcard or a note. Anyway, I'm not gonna make any assumptions cause I know its something completely different too.

This weekend is going to be packed. Tomorrow I'm going to Angela's sisters bday party. We're going to Roller King. That place is so cool. The only thing I don't like is how they only play certain songs. But it should be 'mag' and 'magnif' and just thuper!

Then on Sunday I'm having my bday party, in which Ashley B and Angela are probably gonna come over early and I'm gonna show them the Marilyn Manson DVD and stuff.. Hahahhaha, The keyboardist and the spring!! Then after the party I don't know what will happen, but the party will last a while though. It should be really fun. I hope I don't turn even MORE of a tomatoe on that day. I might end up having people come over to my house after its all done, who really knows?

Then on Monday I believe I'm gonna be going to a museum with Trevor, Anthony and Angela. I don't know if all of them can go, but Trevor invited me so hopefully he wont forget about me.. Haha. So as you can see, I have a big ass weekend ahead of me. And I'm looking forward to everything. ;D

Well, I hope that this entree has been fun to read and informational. After all I promised a long ass entree.. and hey! You fucking get it!

I've been thinking about Jake.. and I really wanna talk to him like a friend now! I dont feel shy around him anymore, or nervious.. I just wanna talk to him at school and be like "Hey, what's up?" and carry on a convo with him. It would be really cool, so maybe I'll try doing that sometime on Tuesday.

Which reminds me, last night I had a dream where I dreamed I was online and I was looking on AIM and Jake and Matt were online. And Jakes AIM screen name was: NakedJakeGayGreen and Matts was: MattGreyGreen or something. It was weird, but I distinctly remember the "JakeGayGreen" as Jake's AIM screen name. It was weird, then I lost concentration on my dream and I didn't dream about anything else after that.

I wish MSN wasn't such a bitch and I would be able to talk to Jake online. When I would talk to him online, it usually was like every other time he signed on and it kept up the communication with him. But now it doesn't work.. And it really aggitates me, cause this is like the firs guy that I've liked and things are actually going really well with him and I. At least I don't like him from afar, and if I really wanted to I could just talk to him. Which makes it a lot easier for me to like him and for me to continue this.. love for him ya know? It may be foolish for most people to understand how I feel for Jake. But in a way it's a simple caring that I have for him. I know that things will never go more than friends, but at least I have that. I don't plan on loosing that, not without some sort of fight on my part. Cause it's not only his looks that I'm in love with. I love his personality and his traits. Jake can do so many things, he has so many talents and his ambitions exceed many of mine and my friends along together. I admire him for his extradinary compatibility with others and how he does things without trouble. I'm sure he gets frustrated with all the preussure, but I don't think he realizes how many people LOVE him and CARE about/for him. He has tons of marvelous friends and I just know that he'll make some EXTREMELY lucky girl out there VERY happy. Thinking about me moving next year really hurts, cause I won't be able to see Jake grow up, I would love to see Jake as a Junior and as a Senior. I want to see all of my friends as a Junior and as a Senior. People grow and mature and change with time, and I can't imagine how it will be without me there to witness and experience it with them. It's going to be so hard to move away from everyone and everything. I try not to think of it, and maybe that's not the best thing to do -- but I can't deal with something of that magnitude into my little 'flawless life' as it is right now.

Sometimes I wonder if I move, will I find new friends over there at the new school? How will the classes be? Will I be teased or accepted? How many friends will I make? Will I like any guys over there? Will I like any girls over there? Will any guys or girls like ME over there? Will I find a boyfriend or girlfriend over there? It's hard to think about, cause I'm sure the normal teen would be fine with things, of course they would be upset, but not as upset as I will be when I move. I'm a little tipsy-turvey. I tend to get emotional and in depth with things. Which could be good and bad. Which explains why when I'm happy, it's so fun to be around me, but when I'm pissed off -- It's aggitating to be around me. Or when I'm really sad -- it's worrying to be around me. I take things and I tend to reflect on them a little too long than I should which causes me to be dependant and not see things that are surrounding me. Same goes for Love, when I fall in "love" [thats with some of the guys I like, but with Jake, it's different] I tend to exaggerate and take things too obsessive. So yeah, I guess I have issues. And to me, my definition of love is: Feeling intense emotion and willingness to be with someone; but yet still having contact with the person and maintaing a relationship with them. To me, that truely defines love. And for me, that clarifies how I feel for Jake. I really do wish I could be with him, if I were a girl I'd be all over him -- no doubt. But I'm not, so I have to deal with what I can. And since I'm a guy, I can't hit on him [or make it too apparent] cause I don't think he would appreciate me hitting on him, considering I have a feeling that he's completely straight. Although I bet he hasn't experienced anything to figure out truely who and what he's interested in.

But none-the-less, if I can't have him; I can settle for being friends. What I really aim to do is over the summer, do something with Jake. I would like to go skateboarding or go to a movie.. or maybe have like a group with with Emily and everyone and therefore it would be easier for me to talk to him. I'll bring that up with Emily -- who knows, hopefully something can be worked out.

As for my thoughts on the summer.. I'm looking forward to it, and yet I'm not. I want school to end cause I don't like class and stuff, but I love seeing my friends everyday and hanging out with them and everything. It's the greatest pleasure I get. Cause during the summer friends usually just see each other once every month or something, and I don't want that to happen. I want to have the best summer ever, cause next summer -- no doubt I'll probably be moving -- so this summer means a lot to me and I really want to make the best of it. So I'm going to try and do things with everyone, like Roxy, Trevory, Angela, Jeff Q, Jake, Emily, Brittany.. Etc. Just hang out with everyone and do something. Last summer all I did was stay at home and stay on the computer. Day after day, night after night. I did nothing else. NOTHING. And that tramatizes me, I don't want that to ever happen again. I want to become so busy with seeing my friends, that I forget what day it is. I want to be so busy and caught up with my friends and plans and having fun that I forget who I'm with and what I'm doing. I just want to have a great time, and doing just ONE thing with Jake, would make the whole summer worth while.

Oh and just as a side note, I found out that Twiggy and Tyler are going out. I'm not sure if its completely true [since Nick Dane was the one who told me] but I don't know about anyone else, but they do not look like a good couple. Cause firstly, Tyler is the only flamboyant gay guy at our school, and he's really skinny and not attractive. While Twiggy isn't that great, but he's attractive. Strange couple, guess you just go for what you can get your hands on so you can get some experience. I wonder if they've done anything yet.

Okay, going back to the Jake subject. I wonder if Jake ever thinks of me away from school. I wonder what he was thinking when he looked up to me when I tried to get him wet from the bleachers. I wonder what he thinks of me when he sees me walk by at lunch. I wonder what he thinks when he sees me talking to Brittany. I wonder what he thinks of me in general.. Has he picked onto the fact that I like him? Is that why he doesn't seem to talk to me on his own? Why is it that when he walks by he doesn't seem to notice me, but yet I can tell that he see's me but just doesn't say anything to me. I think the key to finding out a lot of this information is to just let things be free -- the way that Trevor acts, and just go up to him, and start up the conversation with no means of anything, just to find out whats up and just have that attitude of being excited and stuff and just talk to him. I never seem to find him alone, and I'm a little too shy to just go up to him and his friends and be like, "Hey.." strictly cause I wouldn't know what they would say -- even though Jake has told me before that he's defended me from his friends. And it's begining to get harder to talk to him during Spanish cause he sits a bit farther away from me, and he's constantly flirting with this bitch that sits behind him, actually she does it to him. It pisses me off. And then the guy who sits next to Jake gets me mad simple for the fact that he constantly talks to him, and if ONLY I sat there, I would talk to Jake all the time and that would've been awesome.. Sometimes I wonder how things would be if I were to do things differently. I wish I had some sort of transportation device that I could use to see alternate scenarios of my actions. It would be the best thing in the world so I would know if I did one thing, It could make this happen.. or what not.

Well, it's now 9:54PM and I still want to type, cause no one is online and there's nothing else to do, so yeah this is gonna be one hell of an entree..

I think when people look at me, all they seem to notice are all the positive things that go on. All the happiness and all the joy and stuff. And I'm not denying that there isn't any of that, cause I had tons of that today. I was litterally feeling like I was on clouds and everything. It was great. But I don't think a lot of people know the crippling lonesomeness I feel constantly. I continually whine about this subject, so I won't go into too much depth.. but I just wish I had someone here for me [and I know that I have Angela and like I could name everyone else I know, but I mean as a partner in life.] and I know that in due time I'll find someone, or someone will find me.. and things will go from there. But I'm a very impatient person, I like things now and at the moment, I don't like waiting and I don't like being played with. I guess I need to work on my patience levels. I just dont like to accept the fact that I probably won't find a boyfriend till I'm out of high school.. I don't want to wait that long, it seems like a lifetime away. Or maybe I'm just wishing I could have that relationship with Jake -- the least likely person I have a chance with. A lot of people don't know what its like to be different sexually from everyone else. To have feelings to the same sex is the hardest thing.. Cause you can never really tell that person how you feel, unless you're close friends with them, or know they're the same. It restricts you from doing those things, and then it alienates you from everyone else.. You feel like you're the only person out there with this.. disease or something. And you feel like the world is at odds with you; you suddenly can't breathe and you realize that that no ones there to hold you from falling. And you start to decend into this depression cause no one understands you. No one can say "I know how you feel" and more than anything, you don't have that person you want with you to be by your side. And if you were to take the risk and tell them, you take the chance of loosing them, and you notice that that chance isn't worth loosing a frendship. Cause all you want is to have some sort of want or need by them, even if it means restricting honesty from their knowledge. And in doing so it only hurts you more cause with time your need to have them know how you feel grows.. and it begins to cloud your mind of the simpliest of thought. You can't think straight. You're blinded by this forbidden love, and you have no clue what to do. You're confused.. You lay in bed in thought and wonder if the day that they will suddenly care will come soon enough. You think of all the chances and make the choice to try your hardest to become their friend only to find out that they don't seem to want to be yours.

Finally one day you sort things out and come to terms that there is nothign to be insecure about, that there shouldn't be any reason or thing restricting you from talking to them. But everytime you see them you notice that they're with someone else -- and that someone else is a potiental hazard to how you can handle a situation with them, so you avoid them for that confrontation. And everytime you're in their presence you get the strangulating feeling in your stomach as if butterlies keep vomiting the truth everywhere about in your gut and when they're not around, it seems as if there is no big deal and that you can do anyting you wanted to do -- that it's all a matter of how you perceive things. And yet you have yet made any effort pertaining to them. What do you do next?

.. I guess I kind of just went off on a long tangent there. See? I just got a little emotional there ..

Cause right at the moment, I really would like to talk to Jake. That's sort of the reason why I wanted him to come to my bday party. It would've been a good bonding occasion and no doubt things would've been fun. But like I suspected from the begining -- he's busy. So I'm going to try and talk to him during school.. But this time I actually mean it. Maybe I can talk to him before Health more often.. or maybe I can talk to him before Spanish.. I don't know anymore, I used to be able to have the perfect chance to talk to him in Spanish.. but now we're separated and it really sucks. That's why I'm so pissed off at MSN, cause talking to him online was the closest I got to him. Thinking about that now makes me think about using one of my older emails so I can talk to him on those.. I don't fucking get it.. Why does it block me and why doesm y computer block him. I don't block him.. Ugh.. So yeah it pisses me off.

I'm talking to Kensey right now on MSN. We're just talking about things, I'm glad we're still friends and stuff. It's fun to talk to her. But she just left, she has to get some rest for tomorrow cause she has 9 hours at the pool tomorrow. So yeah.

I guess I've talked about a lot of things today. And it's taken about.. let me count.. 7 hours to type it all out. Sorry for the delay. I'll leave this entree for tonight and tomorrow so people can read it. I feel a lot better now too, kinda like talking to a long lost friend. :)

Well, now I guess you can trust my word now, I promised a long ass entree for today, and it may be a bit delayed but hey -- the size of it makes up for that! I think I'm gonna try to go to bed tonight at 11 anyway. So I'll update later. Nite everyone.

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