Teehee [just used the cheat way to beat the depressing writters-block page that says you have to wait to update your diary] Anyways, today has been a great day. Nothing pissed me off.. I don't think.. The only things I really felt today was love, appreciation, and the occasional "im horny" phase.. Hahaha. ;D You know it's true.

I woke up at 6:20 and today was a Collaboration day [which means school doens't start till 9:15 but the buses come at regular time] and I got up and I thought to myself if it was worth coming to school or not. The day before, Angela and I discussed it and thought we should sleep in for the last collaboration day, but I hadn't told her that I was gonna sleep in myself. So I had a feeling she was gonna be going anyways -- but I didn't want to go, mostly cause I was having hot-sweats and seizures all though the night, and I didn't want to be disturbed. So I decided not to get up and just sleep in.

But while I was sleeping, Everyone I knew went to Collaboration day.. EVERYONE. The fucking only day I don't go to collaboration day -- everyone goes and has a great time. And turns out Roxy wanted to meet up and go to breakfast with me this morning -- but I didn't go so in turn she wasn't able to go to breakfast with me. I guess Angela met up with Trevor and Anthony and some other people and all went to McD's. It sucks though, cause now I wish I would've went -- sleeping in wasn't worth missing memories.

So I went to school at around 8:55 and found Kami. She was the only person I saw so I just ran up to her -- yeah, like Angela has said -- I have a phobia of being alone.. Like I love being alone when I want to be, but at certain times I just won't trust myself alone. So I talked to her, and she came with me to find my Yearbook. So we walked over there and I got it and checked it out. Then I walked over to the theater where I saw Roxy and she told me about this morning and how she wanted to go to breakfast with me.. But if only someone would've told me about today. Geesh.. Lack of communication! So then we talked for a bit then the bell rang and I saw Angela coming and we talked and stuff. Then walked to first period.

First period was extremely GRAPHIC about sex. Wow, that video we watched like showed the penis going in the vagina, how to use all these different techniques on preventing pregancy and everything.. It was like.. O_o... HAHAHAHHA!! "It looks gooey" "Yeah.. ::as she smears the spermacide on the condom::" That was so fucking random.. It was great. But moving on.

So I leave the classroom and I walk with Anthony some of the way, and I look back behind me to see where Jeff Q is and BAM Jake's right behind me. I was gonna say "Hey" but I just didn't. So I continued to walk and talked to Angela a bit, then when I walked over to where Roxy was, I saw Nat with the group. I was thinking how she got there and how she must be feeling.. But I didn't want to talk about that -- especially since I didn't know if it was appropriate for the given time. So I stopped by and said hey to everyone, then left to go to Math.

So I went to Math.. Took a quiz in which I believe I got a C or D on.. Not good.. But I got some right - I know I had to have. But yeah, I had my yearbook and I had Charles sign it for me. Heh, it was all good. Then I went out and then went to Guitar.

Guitar was kinda fun, I had Katie write a whole fucking page to me in my yearbook. She's hecka cool. So yeah, the whole time in that class was spent with yearbooks and junk. It was all 'mag'.

Well then I went to lunch, and I went to the snackbar and got something for Emily and then I waited for Angela to come out of P.E. before I realized that Angela was already sitting down with Loretta and Evan and Ellen.. So I was like, "..Great.." and I was gonna just hang out with the other group, but I decided to hang out with Angela and them.. Even though Ellen was annoying me. So I had Loretta and Angela write in my yearbook, then I went to the other group to sign it and everything. It was hella cool cause I got everyones phone number. I even gave mine out too. It was cool. Then the bell rang and I went on to Spanish.

Spanish has been really fun lately. Just with Joel being the dumbass he is, and Alyssa the skank she is.. It's just hilarious at times. We had a substitute today and Jake is was so cute today. When the teacher would call for a volenteer, he'd raise his hand really high and be like, "Me! Oh me! I'm open! I'm right here! Oh me me me!" ... It was fucking adorable. He was really cute today, and towards the end of the period, I simply went up to him and said, "Hey Jake, sign my yearbook" and he said, "sure" and signed it. He basically just said, "Hola me llamo Pablo. A mi me gusta andar un motercycla. have a buen summer - Jake Mckibben" I was hoping he would give me his number.. or something like, "lets do something this summer" but hey, it's all good. I'll try to talk to him somehow over the summer by Emily or something. Cause I got her phone number, and I can tell her to have a huge party with everyone invited. I hope that happens..

And then class ended and I came home. Oh, that reminds me. I gotta look in the yearbook for that guy with the glasses who's really hot. I'm gonna do a huge yearbook search-a-thon tonight to find all the hot guys and girls in our school. Should be 'MAGNIF.'

Well, today I'm going to be going out to dinner, cause we had to post-pone my birthday dinner cause Sandy already made something -- which I engulfed. But other than that, we're gonna go to dinner -- then to my Grandmas house for my bday present cause she sent me a card saying that I should come by to pick it up. [I wonder what it is..] And then after that I asked my dad if we could stop by the Galleria cause I want to check FYE if they have any Mandalay CD's in. If they dont, I'm not sure what I'll look for. Probably the Cardigans, Bright Eyes, or Modest Mouse. Oh! I'm gonna see if they have Beth Gibbons! Intreging.. I have 60$ now. I think I'll just buy one CD and save the rest into my license fund and some for myself. There really isn't anything I want at the moment. I can't think of something I want desperately.

OH MY GOD! It's Jason Galloway who wears the glasses and is hella hot. But the yearbook is fucked up, cause the name that appears for his photo is 'Matthew Gale' but that is NOT him. Cause I noticed that Kami's sister was in that row and her name is obviously not 'Brian Gherts'.. So it may say 'Matthew Gale' as his name, but it's the name below it that is his: Jason Galloway. OH MY GOD. He's so fucking hot. He's a Junior [Thank god, now I can see him next year as a senior ;D] and his picture is like a PICTURE PERFECT photo for like.. a modeling studio. I swear. He should seroiusly be a model. He's perfect for that. And ew @ the people that are around his picture.. he's like surrounded by 3 ugly guys.. Anyways, if you're from GBHS and have a yearbook, look at page 174, he's at the bottom left, 2nd row going up. ;D He's one fucking hottie.

I was reading Angela's diary and she said she wanted to know what a guy expects a girl to do as a girlfriend. And well, I dont feel like going into that right at the moment -- I'll just tell her in person or when she comes online. But the thing I was gonna comment on is the part where she talks about how it must feel to have a father to joke around with and talk with and stuff. It's kind of a hard subject, cause I have a real father but a step mother; and Angela has a real mother and a step father. Strange huh? But I have noticed that when I went to meet up with Zack last night, I was joking around with my Father about stupid things, like how I was still hungry [after eating all that salad and shit earlier for dinner] and stuff. And poking him and stuff. I feel like the bond between my father and I is getting a lot stronger. It will never be the way it was before.. I can't forgive him for calling me a liar when I was trying to tell him about being abused by my neighbor when I was about 6, but I try to forget about that and move on. It's harder than it seems though.. the thoughts.. the images.. the feelings..

But back to having a father. It feels really great to have someone to joke around with, I'm sure Angela has fun with her mother.. and I have fun with my father. And no matter what happens, we still love our parents [I didn't say anything about step-parents..] but I can't really comment on the situation cause I don't know how it feels to have both of my real original parents in order to compare to her. I simply can't.

So I guess I'm going to be going for now. I will be looking through the yearbook for MORE hot guys.. [like Jake, Jeff and Jason..] and I'll tell you who they are all tomorrow when I update again. Hehe. So I had a great day, but what I can't believe is how much love I got today. I had a lot of people signing my yearbook saying, "You're the coolest guy I know, we need to hang out during the summer -- call me" and "I never laughed so hard in my life until I started hanging out with you" .. It really made me feel a sense of love and support. :) It brought a smile to my face to read all of the people who signed it.. I only had ONE "have a good summer" .. and that was from Jake.. Wow, Translation: "I don't know you well, but I'm just signing it so you can leave me alone. Thanks." .. But hey, I still love Jake. ;D And I'm feeling pretty complete at the moment.. there's just this one hole in the center of my heart. It will never seem to heal.. never seem to fill..

I'm going to leave with lyrics to a Marilyn Manson song. It's a great song, download it:

"I'll pretend that I want you for what is on the inside
But when I get inside I'll just want to get out
I'm your first and last deposit through sickness and in hell
I'll never you promise you a garden, you'll just water me down

I can't believe that you are for real
I don't care as long as you're mine

When I said "we" you know I meant "me"
And when I said "sweet" I meant "dirty"
When I said "we" you know I meant "me"
And when I said "sweet" I meant "dirty"

I'm unsafe
I'm unsafe
I won't regret
So I memorize the words to the porno movies
It's the only thing I want to believe
I memorize the words to the porno movies
This is a new religion to me
I'm a VCR funeral, a definite waste
My smile's a chainlink fence, that I have put up
I love the enemy, my love is the enemy
They say they don't want fame
But they get famous when we fuck.

I never believed the devil was real
But God couldn't make someone filthy as you

You are the church, and I am the steeple
When we fuck, we are all God's people
You are the church, and I am the steeple
When we fuck, we are all God's people"

--"Slutgarden" _ Marilyn Manson