Well.. Lots to update with..
Today was really fun.. or should I just replace that word with entertaining. I wasn't having so called, "fun" but I wasn't bored nor bitchy since I wasn't really doing anything big. It was just good to be with friends.
I went to Angelas house at about 4:15 and we headed over to the Lake to meet up with George, Evan and Trevor.. At the time we weren't sure if Lane was gonna be there.. but I had a feeling that he would be.. he's always tagging along. Anyway..
We walked through Cavitt and on the levey to where they would be and we talked.. nothing serious.. I was getting tired and stuff which made me feel lazy and so forth.. But when we got there we talked and hung out. Lane was being an idiot though .. wait he's always like that so he was just being himself. I hate Lane so much.. it's ridiculous. But we had a fun time being there.. Angela and I both watched as they played in the water and tackled each other and Angela asked me on occasion, "Do guys always act like this..?" and you know what.. I'm not sure myself.
But yeah, we all had a fun time. Trevor invited me and George to come over next Wensday to drink up some alcohol he stole from a party his rents had a few days ago. I accepted since.. I like alcohol but I'm not addicted.. but Trevor was thinking of this as some "huge ordeal" .. most likely cause he's never drank alcohol. I've tried everything there is except a few drugs [which I'll probably do when I hang out with Ray {remember him? My brothers friend.. I'll explain later}] but yeah, we'll probably hang out on Wensday and drink some beer. No biggie [for me..].
Then after a while of hanging out, Angela, George and I left to walk over to Angelas and to Taco Bell. So we walked back through Cavitt and what not. But at that time I was feeling really .. annoyed for some reason. Not at Angela and George, but something set me off and I didn't wanna infect them with it, so I just walked ahead of them and stuff. Then when we got to Angela's house, George and I talked while Angela was in the house talking to her rents. We talked about Angela and him and how he should hold her hand and stuff. And after that I was feeling a lot better.. So then when we walked to Taco Bell, I purposely walked ahead of them so I could give George some privacy if he was gonna hold her hand.. but he wouldn't! I was like, "..What the hell did I talk to you about?! Bitch!!" Haha
So we got to Taco Bell and ordered, there I saw Crystal cause she was working there today.. Haha yeah, we talked just a bit. Then we talked and stuff at Taco Bell and somehow we got onto a subject and George was like, "Yeah, I'd hope you're not gay.." and I looked over at Angela and gave her a .. strange look I guess, and George saw this and was like, "Unless you are..?" and I was like, "Hahaha.." and he was like, "What?" and I was like, "Oh, nothing I was laughing at a fat chick over there.." and then we got off that subject and never returned.. and I never gave him a "yes" or "no" .. which suits me well. Hehe.
Then after a while of bull-shit talking -- I told them both:
'Okay, cut the crap.. why dont you two hold hands or anything? I mean you're both going out.. gesh do something!"
And I guess I got to them, and then when we left Taco Bell.. I had to remind them again and they finally held hands for a while. It was nice knowing that they were feeling a bit better.. cause I know how it feels to hold the hands of someone you love at the moment.. it's great. So then we walked back to Angelas house, and then George left to get home. And Angela and I talked for a while out on the big rock in her front yard. We were getting into another good convo.. then my dad calls and he tells me he's coming to get me.. so the convo was cut short.. which sucks..
So then I came home and BAM I'm told I have to move all the shit out of my room cause of new carpetting tomorrow.. so I move my dresser, bed frame, and little shit out of the room without my dad's help and then he bitches at me because I put the shit in the wrong place.. I'm like, "What the fuck ever, I did it so deal with it" .. I'm really tired now.
So I'm attempting to talk to Ryan.. but he's not responding.. It figures. My thoughts of Ryan have changed permanetly since that last little convo I had with him. But yet I'm very confused about it all, he said, "I like you, you're a nice kid" at the end of it though. So maybe someone else was typing everything else? I don't know, I would ask him but he's not responding.
But Ray [my brothers friend] did come on line and I talked to him for a while. Apparently he was doing crack whilst talking to me, which would explain the frequent, "haha, lol" and "yeah"'s.. haha. He's a cool guy. He even offered to come over to my house sometime during the summer.. and I really hope that we do! The hard thing is how I'll have to give directions to him.. cause he'd probably get confused.. I'm not sure, maybe he should get Zach to come with him so then he doesn't get lost. I would hate that if he did get lost. But he's cool. I'm sure that if we do hang out we'll go "blaze" together [translation: get high together] and you know .. if we do get high.. I'm gonna purposely not get too high and make sure he's really high and then ask him if he's gay or ever thought about it.. and usually when you're high you tell the truth more so who knows? ..things could get interesting.. but I wouldn't take advantage of him, since I'm totally new to that in the first place.. O_o
... Okay, Ryan's talking to me now.. Here's what we talked about .... [Ryan = "Don't you want someone to love?"]:
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
hey um what was with you the other day, when jake and ben were over [if they even were?]?
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
they weren't over
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
i was over there
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
what did they say?
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
a lot of stuff
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
like what?
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
like if i liked jake, and about my sexuality, um cant think of anything else
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
thats stupid
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
ill tell them to quit fucking around
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
sorry about that
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
so you didn't type anything that they said?
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
i just saw the end
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
but i was on the phone in the other room
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
oh
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
i shouldn't have left my account on
watch me bleed, im your beauty. watch me bleed, beauty fiend. says:
hah yeah
Don't you want somebody to love? says:
ya
****************************************
.. That's strange. I don't know if I believe him, cause that could be a cover up. Although it does make sense. So yeah, I guess I just told Jake and Ben that I'm bisexual. Isn't that fuckin great? .. wait then that means that Ryan might not know yet .. O_o although I'm sure that Jake and Ben would tell him? .. I'll have to ask him some other time.. I'm still confused.. but I got one 'story' from him..
But if that story is true.. that pisses me off. Jake and Ben must be complete fucking assholes if they did that. I can't believe that shit. I'll have to look into it more after time.. I don't know if I can trust Ryan fully yet.
Well anyway.. The song thats playing is "My Beautiful Flower" by My Ruin. Such a great song, I hope people actually listen to the songs.. Cause this one is actually really nice to listen.. Lots of times I've thought:
"He loves me.. he loves me not.. he loves me.. he loves not.." with a flower.. and thats the basis of this song.
::sigh:: I don't know what to type anymore. I'm feeling kinda tired and my asthma is coming back.. I should get this checked out.. Sometimes my asthma comes and I can't even breath and I just blackout for a while [which usually happens at night] and I wake up with a tight chest and stuff. I'm getting kind of sick of everyone's buisness too.. Like with Angela and George [I'm not sick of them, but I guess.. I don't wanna get into their buisness anymore, which is how it SHOULD be], I don't wanna think about what happened with "Ryan" that night, I dont wanna hear what people have to say.. I'm tired of it all.. I think someday soon I just want to be alone. Not come online, not answer any phone calls.. not go anywhere. Just stay home.. and sleep. That would be oh so sweet.
"Your mouth blooms like a cut sweet and full of sin
I prick myself on your thorns and I bleed within
your leaves fade to brown and I watch you die, in my torture garden under black sunshine.
My beautiful flower.."
=->
The Lost Soul
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
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