[.:remember the future:.]
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No Lies, Just Love
06.25.03 //_ 11:32 PM

[Sorry this entree took so fuckin' long to update with.. Somehow I messed up and pasted the whole fuckin' thing like 5 times in one spot.. and I had to go into word and fix everything up.. I hope it flows correctly now. :D]

I cannot believe how inconsiderate some people are these days. Take for example when my father and I were at the gas station with the trailer loaded and everything.. and we're waiting for this one lady to finish getting gas, and we're reasonably away from the vehicle, and then some OTHER bitch comes up and cuts RIGHT in front of us and goes to get gas after that other person left. We were astonished as we watched this incoherent BITCH just cut in front of us and have no sense of anyone else around her. It was aggravating.. so instead of fucking bitching at her and shit -- we just left and made it to Grass valley and then we finally got some gas up there.

Another example was when we loaded up the trailer (about 30 minutes ago) and I came online to see if people were online whom I could invite to my goodbye party which is on Friday at the lake.. and I see Kensey online and she's hardly ever online.. so I IMed her and invited her and was giving her details when all the sudden my dad starts yelling at me to help him with stuff. So then I go out and tell him that I needed to talk to Kensey and I just left to talk to Kensey..

So once I gave her the details, I told her that I had to help my father.. so then I get out to the garage and my dad looks at me and points his finger and says:

"You're computers coming out first thing tomorrow.."
"Why??!"
"Cause you're using it as an excuse to help me.."
"What?! I fucking help you all the time, have you forgotten who went with you today and yesterday and the day before? I was talking to Kensey.. She's never online and I had to talk to her."
"Yeah.. well.."

Then he just gave up and I shrugged it off and continued to help him.. and you know I still haven't heard him tell me, "Thank you" for helping him. Seems he's very appreciative huh?

I'm only excited because I have new beginnings to look forward to. I don't know how things will be up there.. I would like to think that I'll make new friends (I'm sure I will eventually..) but it's kinda weird to think about .. well think about this: What if the people that I will meet in the future.. the future friends of mine -- they're somehow tangled in the reaction of my actions. Whatever I do leads up to whom I make friends with -- whom I meet and whom I set impressions upon. It's strange. I just want to make new friends now.. so I don't have to worry about school as much. But I have to face it -- and just go to school willing to put the effort to make friends if no one's willing to make friends with me. It's sad.. cause now I'll finally know how it must feel to be like .. Jeff Loder. But then again, I already know how it feels to be like that -- I've just forgotten since I've always been surrounded by loved ones.. Time to venture out on my own and "spread my fan base" I guess. Kami told me a while back that "all you gotta do is be yourself and you'll make millions of friends over there." And you know.. I'm gonna take that advice to heart -- I'm gonna be myself and just take things with strides.

.. but now onto stuff more interesting ..

Okay.. I just HAVE to post that Colin Farrell picture again.. it's so fuckin' adorable..

AWWW!! haha, I'm such a woman now.. It's embarrassing.. Wait.. no it's not! Colin's a hottie.. hehe. I'm gonna go find some more pics and when I see some other cute ones, I'll post them as I get to them. Hehe.

I wonder if I'll meet some guys over at the new school who are bi or gay. I know there has to be some there (whether they're open about it or not) but wouldn't that be awesome if I met a few? I shouldn't get my hopes up.. but just keep my mind open. :D

Haha, I love Colin's face. It's so Irish and not-shaved-but-oh-so-sexy.

It's getting really warm in here. I'm listening to lots of Bright Eye's songs on my play list. Heh, I can't wait till I go shopping for new clothes for school.. This is gonna be the first year that I'm exposed to so many new things and I'm gonna go all out on what to get. New shirts.. Pants.. Accessories.. It's all so exciting! Heh.

Oh, did I tell you all about BJ? Brittany's boyfriend? Well.. I know you don't know him or her.. but I've been talking to BJ a lot in the recent days.. and he's really making me go crazy for him. I'm not in love with him.. I guess I'm attracted to his personality a lot though. He's such a cool guy. He talks and stuff, and whatever he says.. it's always interesting.. never dull. I don't know if that�s just how I register it .. or what.. but Brittany is seriously, one fucking lucky chick. I'm jealous of them both.

But you know.. I told BJ about my sexuality and he was totally cool with it. He even commented on it a lot too, like when we were talking about "Bourne Identity" he said, "You should see it, there's a hot guy in it too.. by what the girls say ;)" Haha. He's actually the first guy I've told about this thing and taken me seriously. He even made me feel really good about myself when we started talking about shyness, and he told me: "Well see, if I saw you on the streets, I'd still talk to you as much as I do online.. maybe not as crazy, but you're a cool dude." It made me feel all tingly inside.

We even discussed being muscular, and he's seriously really buff. MAYBE buffer than David. I'M NOT SAYING HIS HIS.. MY DAVID IS SEXY-STRONG... but anyway, since I invited him to the goodbye party on Friday.. I made him promise me he'll show me what his chest and arms look like at the lake. :P Isn't that interesting!! And you know, I told him, "I'm sure you're hella strong d00d" and he responded with, "But you have yet to see me shirtless ;)" and even added in the winking face. Haha.. yeah.. He's a cutie too -- I mentioned him before when I first went to the Shitfest (battle of the bands) at Ryan Holidays house (where I saw Ryan King, remember now?) and from what I could tell .. he was pretty buff. He seems really clean and stuff. I wish I was like him. I wish I was like anyone else.. except myself.

:D That's such a great pic of Colin. I don't know why, but he reminds me of Felix the Cat.. know what I'm talking about? With the small mouth.. and .. it's just so cute and .. perfect size for .. AHEM

Well.. I don't know what else to type about. I guess I'll go for now. I have to get up around 6:00 and unpack MORE shit at the house up in (gr)Assvalley. These next few days are going to suck so much, but hopefully Friday will be fun since I'm having my goodbye party.. ;(

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