I'm thinking about going on a late night walk tonight once my rents are asleep. I've just made a CD-RW with some songs that fit my mood at the moment. Just kind of like .. I'm here, but no one cares. My CD includes tracks from Daniel Bedingfield, Royksopp, Mandalay, Bright Eyes, Erlend Oye, The Cardigans and Goldfrapp. I picked certain songs by those artists [and a few others] that would go well with how a person would feel if they were a stranger in a new city. Like how I'm feeling. I'm just going to walk along the side of the road until the CD gets to the end of its tracks and then head back. I'll probably be gone for 2 hours. I'm just hoping I wont get run over, mugged, kidnapped or killed. Other than that I have a positive mind! :) It will give me a chance to excersize and to explore the teritory around here. If it gets a little too dark then I'll just go for the walk tomorrow sometime.

Why am I feeling so empty right now? It's like .. I'm some sort of plastic doll. The only thing that keeping me in check is my music. I've had launch on ever since I got up this morning. It's been helping me find new artists to relequish my love upon [like Gus Gus and Orbital] other than listening to music -- I've done nothing. I've been on the computer the whole day.

I've had a lot of people IM me on MSN and AIM back from Sacramento asking how I've been and I would tell them I've moved and they've all been shocked and saddened. It's sad but in a way it made me feel one of the most sought-after emotions humans can feel -- love. Funny how all of them comforted me and were understanding of where I was coming from. They all promised and swore I would make tons of friends over here really quickly cause "you're just a cool guy and people would be crazy not to like you." :)

I'm not even worrying about school anymore. I mean, why should I be? It's all just a hiccup in the journey back to reality.

Um.. is this spanish techno music that I'm listening to? .. strange .. but cool.

I don't know if you've noticed but I have changed the names of the links at the left. I've replaced them with .. shit I've forgot what the word is for that. Well, I've made the links kinda have a different background meaning. They're in the same order just different names.

I've never felt as compelled as I am right now to just fall asleep without a care in the world and wake up to witness the sunrise as it sprinkles its rays across the evervast land. I've always wanted to watch a sunrise and sunset.. never really had the time to. Lifes simple pleasures have been squandered away from the beaming generosity that technology has given me.

I was recently on the site, www.hotornot.com, where I decided it would be funny to see how peoples hotness ranked in our society. It was interesting actually. I found a way to search through all the pictures and find only the ones that incorperated gay guys. I was impressed by how many there were. Some of them you wouldn't even be able to tell they were gay unless they told you. Those are the kinda guys I like. And I don't know if this is true, but I've been told that 1 out of every 10 guys is gay. Someone correct me if I'm wrong..

There's nothing really left for me here. Since I haven't really made the effort to get myself "out there" I have yet to feel like I have a purpose. In fact moving has made me feel less attached to things I once used to. Sure I still have friends online and in other cities but its like the cable that once was is now only a thin thread.

And I know I need to save my money for car insurance. And I know I need to take charge of my life and get things done for myself.. but I just haven't gotten to myself yet. I've been too busy living up to everyones expectations that I've fallen short of my own. Somehow while crossing boundaries my vision of my own respect has gone hazy.

That is why I want to take a long walk tonight. Just to kind of be away from everything and finally become the stranger to everyone I've wanted to be.

These plastered white washed walls don't seem to barricade me enough from my own insecurities.

.. and yet I keep rattling on with no conclusion ..

=->