[.:remember the future:.]
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Nothing Sacred
07.25.03 //_ 10:16 AM

Yup.. I have forever lost my respect for the man that used to be my father. I dont want to call him family cause I dont want to give credit to a shallow man who can stand being an individual. I refuse.

So I talked to him.. He told me he won't let me go anywhere with him if my hair looks like that. I tried to counterplay it with what I've been stressing all along -- that I'm an individual and need respect just as he does -- but that didn't stand. He used the "all mighty" I'm your rent and while I pay for you and what you need you have to do what I want you to do. So whatever. I changed my hair to just regular gel.. yes I know.. I gave in and I shouldn't have.. but there really wasn't anything I could do. All I know is that once school starts it's back to my original spikes and that's that. And once I'm 18 it's going to be even better. So then he left and I decided that I would paint my nails.. if my hair can't be excentric then something does.

So I started painting them black and my father comes in again and is like "No, what the hell? Why do you do this? It's embarrassing for me.. I wont be seen around you anymore" .. basically he said if I spike my hair and do my nails then he'd disown me. Yeah so I just kept doing my nails.. and if he doens't let me go until those are white again I will fucking just leave. I swear, if I have another confrontation by him about my looks.. I won't have it. I'll runnaway. Screw this place. Screw everything. Nothing matters.

So it seems once again I lost a battle I should've won. Don't you all think that my dad is a fuckin' bitch? Yeah, all my friends do too. I don't blame them. But you know what? Once my rents get older and need to be taken care off .. guess where I'll be? As far fuck away I can get from here with a husband living the life I WANT. They didn't respect me when I'm young, the dont respect me now and they won't respect me later on. So you know what? You get in what you put out [or whatever] and since they're not taking my feelings and opinions into consideration -- fuck theirs when they need me. I don't give a fuck. I hope they grow old and rot in hell for all I care. And yes I know that's just my anger talking but I'm not joking about the old part thing.

I wanna talk to my brother so much right now.. he out of my whole family is the only person I confide in.. I can talk to him cause we share common ground.

But you know my rents wont ever know the same Jeff ever again. I will no longer be anything more than just there to them. I don't care -- they wanna fuck with me then I'll have the attitude I want. There has to be SOMETHING that they can't controll.

Kids these days get away with so much with their rents.. they dont realize how lucky they are to have accepting and understanding parents.. They don't know what its like to have restrictions and shit. Then there are a few other people who have it worse than me. So everyone's put into check.

I don't care anymore. All I want to focus on now is getting to Blockbuster and getting my DVD. But things have defintely changed between my rents and I.

Out of all this it makes me wish I could be a parent so I can be the coolest rent there is. I would just .. it's hard to explain. But I'd be so great -- they'd love me.

I'll update later.. >_<

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