I feel like I've read over all the facts.. the details are layed out in-front of me.. but I choose not to read them. It's all there.. everything I've ever wanted.. but I still .. can't find my way.

I've been barricaded inside this shell for too long.. why? Why not. The fact of the matter is there is no facts. What we perceive of reality is all just in our minds.. 2 Dimensional space configures itself in our mind which manifest 3 dimensions. Never have we once felt so high synthetic.

You can sit high and mighty on your thrown but know that your performers are no longer part of your endless tapestry. Wooven together by your meaty forearms holding the burden of destruction. Never again.

Sift through my memories.. take away the pain.. replace it with something loving -- caring -- devoted. Maybe then I'd listen.

Question everything. Leave nothing to default. Explore your ruins of vast knowledge to discover your true self.

I can do anything I want..







..so can you.

Never have I been so sure that I'm not sure. Thinking about it sets my head into mode but makes me explode with theory. What is.. just is. Who really knows what's out there? No one..? Someone..? Everything..?

Funny how a movie could make you recognize things within yourself that need to be sorted out. It's almost like a reminder.. of the possibilities.. and what you should do. I now have a better understanding of Donnie Darko and the whole meaning..

"The children will have to learn to save themselves cause the parents dont have any clue.."

That right there..

Who am I beneath the skin? Just a shelter of bones and unpresidented isolation. And all I need to be set free is the right person.. the right time.. the right frame of mind and the right feeling.

Sometimes I wish I could be a fictional charactor.. Like Donnie Darko.. I would like to see how it would be in the shoes of someone else similar to me. How they react to certain situations and events. I just want to be someone else.. I don't like being myself. I just.. I don't know what I want anymore. Things are indefinet for me now. I look at a blackened sky and continue to only see the escence of regret.

"i've killed myself with changes trying to make it better but i still ended up becoming something other than what i had planned to be"

Maybe I should shut up. Maybe I should fall back down. Maybe I should stop caring. Maybe I should remain the same. Or maybe.. just maybe I should take things into another light. I don't know anymore.

I just feel like my life sucks right now. I know people have it worse off but it's like.. I don't know the comparason and the only thing I can work with is my own issues.. and I don't feel right anymore. Like Donnie Darko so elequently said in the film.. I would like to say I'm not alone, but I don't know.. I feel .. I don't debate it anymore. It's a waste cause I can spend my whole life conflicting the pro's and con's but in the end I still wouldn't know so I've just given up. It's absurd.

=->