A couple nights ago I was up late watching TV and [Sex2k] or something like that came on MTV and the shows theme was about a gay cruise. And they talked with 4 gay guys that would be video taped throughout the whole cruise and so forth.. to kinda tell their story and follow up on them. So I thought I would watch it.. anything that relates to gay subjects I usually watch.

So the guys they picked were pretty feminine. They all had that .. higher than normal voice pitch and I mean.. if you saw them on the street you would know they were gay. It was just kinda.. obvious. But I thought it was pretty awesome that there are cruises specifically for gay guys to kinda go to and hang out/meet new friends/lovers. From what I saw [the footage that was played on MTV] I didn't spot any really cute guys [that suit my ideal guy] so.. :-/ But one of the guys found a true love. I thought that was adorable. Anywho..

Just lately I've been noticing little things on TV and shows that mention gay people.. or gay topics.. One of the shows I respect so much at this moment is Will & Grace.. mostly cause of the humor they incorporate in it but then again it's not so 'IN YOUR FACE' homosexual.. like Queer As Folk is. QAF is a great show [in my opinion] cause it deals with real gay topics without the comedic approaches and QAF even has some sex scenes ;) But you know what I found strange? Was the fact that some of the "gay" guys that are in QAF aren't really gay in real life but kiss guys and flirt with other guys cause of the character in the show. I think that straight guys that are comfortable with their sexuality like that are the ideal straight guys. I mean, they don't mind kissing other guys but do it anyway cause it's a job. I respect those guys.. it must be tough for them though. But I look up to that in my eyes.

About 4 nights ago I was surfing the channels and on TLC they had a 2 hour special on Transexuals.. or is it Transgenders? I forgot which is which, but you get the point. They had, I think, 3 or 4 guys that felt they were really women trapped in guys bodies. It was really interesting to listen to their stories and what they were feeling. They all were going to have some sort of surgical operation to either get their face more feminine or to add breast implants or to take out the you know what and make a you know what with it. I wasn't disgusted one bit by any of this. I mean, they're human beings.. I don't think they had a choice in how they feel about themselves. I respect these people cause they're probably the people that have the most issues. My heart goes out to those people and every transexual/transgender person.. To me, seeing them as men dressed in drag and then having the surgery and them looking more feminine.. I still can see how they look like guys though, but I guess to people that haven't seen them they probably wouldn't be able to tell.

The only thing that really got me disgusted was when they showed how they removed bone from this one mans forehead (to make it more feminine) and taking bone away from the chin.. I just cant handle that kind of shit.. I have nothing against the people just .. taking an axel or whatever to bone and then SHOWING it .. AHH!! It grosses me out .. but I watched every second of it.. Haha, that's what I do.. I get sick but I just have to watch it. But I'm glad that those guys .. er women (now) had that done and feel great about themselves.. that's all that should matter. :) I'm happy they've done something that they've wanted to for a long time.

When I was little and just figuring out my sexuality, I had thought I was a girl stuck in a boys body. I even thought about growing up and then having a surgical operation and all that stuff.. but as I got older I realized I wasn't a woman.. but I was simply gay. I liked guys. Just cause I like guys doesn�t mean I'm a female.. cause I learned about gays and what it means to be gay.. and that just lifted a huge thing off my shoulders. Funny how that can be considered a weight off my shoulders when there's still the fact that I'm gay. :-/ But I think I finally respect myself for who I am. I'm gay and I'm proud I am.. I'm not gonna go around to strangers and be like, "HEY! OH MY GOD!! IM GAY!! YAY!!" .. I'm not like that.. even though I know a few guys that do that.. But I do support gay rights and I'm pretty open about it to people if they ask the right way. I won't tell anyone that's just gonna be a dipshit about it.. and I won't tell my rents either so. I have the closet door open and all of me out of it except 1 foot. Maybe instead of having that foot come out I'll just cut it off. ..if you even understand what I just said..

So yeah.. I'm going out with Josh from Indiana. Things are good. No problems. :D I love him to death. Hehe.. and I was gonna go to a movie today but I don't see Josh Turzak online :-/ so he might call me or not I don't know. Plus, he wanted to go to the movie with me and some girl he likes.. so I might not go if I'm gonna be a third wheel, and I would've invited Roxy to come down here and visit but she's in Santa Cruz now. :-/ Ehh.. Maybe I can plan to see everyone back in Granite Bay sometime.. They start school tomorrow (BTW: I wish you all the best of luck in school! Hehe) but maybe I can come down after school and meet them in the parking lot. Haha, that'd be SO fuckin' awesome.. I'll talk to Angela about it. I could probably do that tomorrow and shit. We could go to the mall too (TO GET COLIN POSTERS!! WEE!! .. *ahem*) so yeah, I hope that can happen.. I'll talk to Angela about it. :D

So that's enough updating for right now. :D