[.:remember the future:.]
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I Wish I Could Plug My Ears Indefinitely
August 31, 2003 //_ 5:23 PM

I just want to be loved, and believe in my soul. It feels like I'm living someone elses life.

Why the fuck doesn't any links on twinkies.com work? I really wanted to see the 'World of Wackiness' .. but I guess it's too "wacky" for me.

The entire site is finished with its reconstruction. The archieves page is up and workin .. and lookin' fan-fuckin-tastic. Check it out. Thank you Joshie for spending the time on the site. :D I appreaciate it more than you can imagine, I love you. *huggle*

Sometimes I wonder why I rely on material things to make me feel better about myself. If I was completely happy with myself, I wouldn't need bracelets, necklaces, a beanie and all that shit. I would be able to wear whatever I wanted and not have to accesorize myself to make me more "top ranked" in the "socially acceptable" pool. The truth of the matter is, I'm starting to realize nothing looks good on me anymore. My wrists are so thin that I actually HAVE to add shit on them so people won't notice the fact that its only bone there.

Do people HONESTLY believe I like being thin?

My father came into my room and told me that I needed to eat lunch. He said I can't afford to miss any meals because I was so thin as it was that I was about to fall out of my chair through the cracks.

Whatever.

I know that I need to work on my weight. I try my best to eat, but sometimes -- I just don't want to. Is that enough to tell you all to leave me alone? It's funny, cause I bet in 10 years I'll be extremely over weight. And it will probably be from everyones bitching and constant deterierating of my confindence.

Moving on, however.

I still haven't seen or done anything incorperating Danny. I'm gonna ask around for his email or something. It's pissing me off cause of the fact that no one is taking me seriously, as it seems, when I say I want to meet him.

But until that time I think I had better find some disbelief to suspend..

'cause I don't wanna feel like this again.

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xxx