I'm about to fall asleep on my keyboard. I think you would feel that way too if you were kept away by the sounds of hippos drowning in an endless sea next door, or at least that's how it sounded. The loud and obnoxious noises (snores) that crept from my neighbors window and somehow managed to make it through mine and wither itself into my ear drums.. I was kept up all night, plus the fact that I haven't been sleeping well at night for the past week. It's sad really.. the only TRUE sleep I got was for a mere sweet 15 minutes from 6:25 to 6:40AM then I had to get up -- school was calling me from beyond the fray.

So anyway. At one side of my mind I'm feeling great, as if things are just .. normal and happy. But for the other side I'm feeling a bit left out. Not quite sure why but I have a hunch..

I still haven't seen Danny. I saw Ty though, he didn't see me. He was looking so very cute today though.

I'm having Katie talk to Ty/Jorden/Danny to see what they think of me. I think Danny probably has seen me by now, just I haven't seen him. So I'm interested in what they think about me.

Or maybe I'm just insecure about myself. Who really isn't these days?

I got a girls email from my Music Lab class today. Jessie is her name, I added her to my list already. I wonder what will happen when she looks at my profile on MSN .. since she doesn't know I'm gay. I did find out she's a Junior though. I was in awe since she sincerely looks like a Sophomore. She's cute though. She has a personality and stride in which I strive for at times when I'm fumbling with the remote of my life.

But I do have some good news..

2003-09-03 11:10:40
Recruitment contest winners
And the winners are:

1 digitalgurll
2 UtopianWisp
3 faq
4 Synister
5 HeavyMetalPunk
6 scottdowns
7 Dethfan4life
8 baffledtiger
9 slippage88
10 ingha_j

I won. Woo for me!! Thank you to EVERYONE who joined for me. I am VERY greatful that this happened. Now that I think about it, this is the first time I've ever won anything.. anything in comparison to this is just nothing. This is huge for me. I win the following:
- (1) Autographed 8x10 Alison Goldfrapp photo,
- (1) Black Cherry DVD,
- (1) Pack of stickers and a postcard.

I am so very excited about this news. I came kinda close.. for a while I was #5 then would scoot back to #7 .. and in the final position I came in at #9. Thank you [again] to everyone who helped me out. For your common courtesy I shall try to think of a way to thank you all. That should be really hard since I'm extremely lazy and self-obsorbed in my vast bucket of salt water. To those of you who saw and didn't join when I asked you [if there was any] then this goes to prove that when a few people share the same ingenuity and distinctive sympathies for others.. we can achieve something while you just stand there basking in your own contempt. Or not. I don't know why I'm babbling on about this. Doesn't matter. I won the contest thanks to all of you. I have immense gratitude.

I listened to Michael Jackson�s "Dangerous" album a bit earlier. I am so hooked on the song, "Who Is It?" by Michael Jackson. That song just invokes many feelings out of me. I even paused on the song, "Dangerous" and tried a little dance number. How sad.

It's funny, most gay guys love to dance. Like I read Dannys profile and it says that he loves to dance and all that fun stuff. And me, I love to dance but I'm a bit lazy to choreograph my own moves and stuff.. sure, I could probably be really good at it but I just haven't taken the time to take it seriously. But I love dances and clubs. I'm also not characterizing that all gay guys love dancing -- I'm sure some hate it and I'm sure some straight guys love to dance as well.

As I was walking to math (once again) the same guy was outside of the class and as I was heading into the class I hear him say to some other guy, "That guy's stylin'.." .. What's that supposed to mean? I swear, I think this guy is a bit strange cause he keeps making comments to or about me. He's cute though, reminds me of a more .. hispanic version of Bright Eyes (**not being racist**), so that's a good thing (that he looks like Conor Oberst).

I think my right ear is infected. It hurts when I try to take my ear ring out and I often can't get the ear ring back in the opposite side of the piercing. :( It's my favorite piercing (so far) too..

I had a sudden flash of a great fashion idea for me to work on last night/this morning (at around 1:00AM cause of those damned hippos) and what I'm envisioning is cutting one of my black long sleeve shirts to a regular T-shirt and then using safety pins to attach the arm sleeves to another t-shirt. I'm sure it'll look good. If it doesn't then I have no fashion sense and maybe I should turn into the gay stereotype and focus my ideals on Abercrombie & Fitch/GAP .. *shivers*

GAP .. G.A.P. .. G A P .. GayAndProud .. ?

As you can probably notice.. I'm going insane. This entry is pointless besides the fact that you all know more about my life, which isn't important as it is. I don't desirve such a place to turn to with my feelings.

I want Danny or Ty to come online! I feel like I'm ready to make friendships more than ever with them right now. I just wanna be friends with gay guys so badly. You all have no idea. I'm sure that they'd wanna be my friend too.. or at least I hope so .. right?

"I don't know why but I still try to smile when they talk to me like I'm just a child.. well I'm not a child.. no, I am much younger than that.."

So my feelings are a in a wish wash of emotions.. one minute I'll be feeling great.. the next I'll be feeling pretty shitty. The one thing that is holding me back from being completely happy.. the one and sole purpose of why I even begin to be happy in the first place is the thoughts of meeting Danny and hanging out with him and Ty. I just want to hang out with them. The source of this want ..

loneliness. *sigh*

Well.. at least I won that Goldfrapp contest. There's something to smile about.

=->