Today was a nice minimum day cause of back to school night. Class was actually somewhat fun cause they were short.. and I liked it short..

Uhh.. all I can remember from my classes is in Math class the hot T.A. had his hand down his pants and the shirt was up far enough to were I saw his "happy trail" or whatever.. man that was hot. I was like .. eh, maybe I should keep my diary G-rated.. ;) Oh fuck that, I thought it was hot and wanted to [actually, now that I think about it, I think I got another fetish] lick from his belly button down. Hehe, yeah, I'm nasty and perverted -- sue me.

Then after school, I hung out with Nate and Josh mostly.. Saw Lanna and Lucie.. I like Lanna to the piont where I would date her but .. theres the whole issue of my sexuality and if she knew she would be like.. probably fine with it but I wouldn't be able to stay with her. I'd rather be with a guy. Some people see that since I like SOME girls that I want to BE with girls. I do, but not in a dating sense. But that somewhat reminds me of an incident that happened today.

So, Nate, Josh and I were walking around and Nate went to get water at a water fountain and I noticed some new posters that people put up around the school for the Gay/Straight Alliance club meeting and stuff.. I thought that was fuckin' awesome that they're getting it put out there, and then as we're walking by the poster I pointed to it to try and show Nate and Josh and Nate looked at it and spit at it with water.. At first I was like, "dude, what the fuck?" but then he was like, "oh shit, I thought that was a football promotion thingy.." and so we walked on and then no later than 3 minutes later, a Teacher and a guy came up to us and told us: "Did you spit on the poster over there?" [and what pissed me off in a sense was the fact that she was looking at ME when she was talking -- as if she expected that I would be the one to spit on it.. probably cause of my appearance] and I told her, "No, I didn't do it." and she was like, "Well, someone said they saw one of you do it.." and I was like, "Yeah, I didn't do it." and then Nate explained and then she looked at me again and was like, "That could be considered a hate crime." and I was like, "Oh yeah, well I'm actually joining that club." and RIGHT at that moment the guy that was with her was like turned on by that fact [in a snobby-"i-bet-youre-bluffing" sense] and was like, "Oh really, I'm Nate (??I think that was his name??), I'm the president of the club, and you are? Nice to meet you Jeff, I'll see you on Thursday at the meeting then right?" .. and the tone in which he said it was just .. just like he was saying to me, "Oh, whatever you say.. I doubt you." .. Yeah, so I'm gonna feel great sitting in that class when the meeting happens.. which will be on Thursday, after school. How excitin.

Then after all that, Josh, Nate and I left and went back to Nates house. His room fuckin' rocks.. I'm so pissed that he has better posters than me.. He has like 4 Korn posters in which I want SO badly. I'm enraged.. one of these days I'm gonna steal em.. Hehe. He also has a tight ass Kittie poster. It's badass. But the whole time we were there, Nate was on the computer talkin' to people, which I can understand cause he has a lot of stuff going on in his life. I feel somewhat bad for him cause he's like the carer for the group and then when he's down.. who's the one to help him up? I really have been trying to.. I've made myself open to him but he hasn't really come to me for some help. I understand that too, he doens't know me better.. but like Josh has been telling me -- you get to know people better by being there for them.

But there is a difference between needing help and wanting attention. That has nothing to do with Nate but I'm just stating that.

Today I was actually kinda pissed cause Lucie and some random dude in which I don't even know started ragging on Otep. They were like, "How can you like them? They suck so much. They're horrible." I was enraged, no one fuckin' deserves music if they can't take the time to fuckin' RESPECT the music in which people create. It's all in opinion but at least have respect for others music tastes.. God damn. I wanted to fuckin' kill them right there. If people don't have enough acceptance to respect music in general and charactorize music as good as to what they favor and everything else as "shit" .. then they have no right to heard. I cannot stand those types of people.

While at Nates, Josh and I watched "part 1" of the Fight Club DVD. Wow, lemme take a few minutes to talk about how fuckin' HOT Brad Pitt is in this film.

Wow, there were some scenes in which you can see his chest (in fact, there's LOTS) and god damn, I nearly shit my ass. He must've worked out so much for this movie. Or not.. I don't know. But all I care about is how his voice sounded, his acting and then.. his looks. Hehe, he was so hot. There was one part where he was like.. "naked" in the doorway but the damn fuckin camera angle only got to like .. the top of his pubes. Haha, whatever. I already have REAL photos of him naked (thanks to online websites!) Tee hee..

That reminds me.. I was supposed to print up some porn.

Yeah so we watched the DVD then Nates dad took me home. His dad's cool. We listened to Placebo on the way home. I fuckin' love Placebo. Nate has even mentioned on numerous occasions that I look like the lead singer, Brian. I find that as a nice complament, since Brian is really cute. I plan to dye my whole head tonight all black and then start to switch my hairstyles from my current, "messy/'emo'" to sometimes doing a mini "mohawk" thingy that Brian has done in some of his videos and so forth. Almost like Jack Osbournes past one.

Er, maybe I should get ahead on that now.. My parents are at back to school night.. Hm..

Eh.. I have a lot of things going on. Friends wanting to hang out and socialize more, School work,, that club meeting.. personal issues. But most of my own personal issues just get cross hatched into a breed of unimportance. No one cares about my issues. It's almost like if I were to start talking about it, peole would just walk away.

Oh, I had a dream involving Ty and I having anal sex. Just thought I would throw that out there. It was quite interesting actually. I never know that it would feel so .. 'real' in a dream and yet be so.. vigorous. I actually felt like.. tired while fucking him on the floor in some appartment. Strange though.. I would explain a lot more in detail but knowing you all -- that is not of your interest. But lets just say I enjoyed fucking him. In fact, I think that's the 3rd dream I've ever had that incorperated me having sex, but I've had more of fourplay and the sorts.. Fun facts!

So I have that GSA thing to look forward to. You know, today in English Josh said something to me along the lines of, "Damn you and your Gay Intellect" and was .. really shocked he said it and was like .. trying to cover it up like he didn't mean it (as if to cover for me like I'm not gay) and I can understand especially if they're is a homophobe around but I really don't care about my sexuality being known. If it will make people look at me differently -- that's their issue. I'm happy and proud that I'm gay so I could give a shit less what others think about, plus it feels fun to talk about hot guys and gay-related issues in public.. cause people are like, "WHAAAHH??" .. it's a nice thing. So if my friends wanna talk about something relating to a guy I like or whatever, I want them to know I'm fine with it being brought up anytime, anywhere. I don't care -- I don't want to be treated differently.. I would hate that. So yeah..

Eh, one thing before I go though that I'd like to discuss.

Why do people tend to say, "My god, that was so fuckin' gay!" as if being gay is a bad thing. I mean, most of the time people don't realize the literal meaning (I mean, I would know.. I used to say it too). I don't get offended TOO much by it (depending on the context it's used in and by who said it) but it really needs to stop being said. It's getting to the point where I actually am getting offended cause for the first time in my life, I'm taking my sexuality seriously. I mean, I'm joining a GSA club and I'm being open and honest about it.. It's been a huge step for me to take and I'm still in the process of completing it. Only thing I worry about is explaining to my dad about the meetings and shit. I wonder what excuses I'll have to come up with for staying after school for an hour every thursday. I'll tell him its for a club that everyones in. I don't know. Hopefully they wont wanna come to it and shit. Eh, I'll find a way.

So yeah.. my life is fine. I guess. Well, actually it's getting depressing due to the events going on with my friends.. but I tend to try and keep that inside myself. Let's just keep that between us. :)

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