[.:remember the future:.]
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Close Your Eyes And Let's Pretend.. Remember Why We're Just Friends
September 23, 2003 //_ 6:52 PM

Forgive me.

A sense of completeness (spelling?) fails to assure my mind. Lots of things going on.. too busy to really focus on myself.

And what I need.
And what I want.
And what I have.
And what I lack.

I guess that me telling Nate about Modest Mouse was a good thing. He's going to a concert of theirs in November with Allison. Marvelous. Just, fucking joys all over the world.

Goldfrapp concert on October 4th.. don't have any money for it yet.. gotta talk to Roxanne about it more.. once we do -- I hope we can go. I'd like to go to the Modest Mouse concert too, with Angela, but maybe I'm just not a big enough fan. Or maybe it's cause I've been a fan for such a little time. Don't know. Hm.

Sarcasm. Tis a great thing, is it not?

Just a bit ticked. Dogs bullocks. Something like that. Insert english slang here, please.

Josh is thinking about running away. Sometimes I doubt that things can be so hard for him. Although, I know that I'm saying this being ignorant since I haven't met his parents or anything.. but sometimes life can be hard but you have to stick with it. People have gone through thousands worse and yet people still complain about how hard it is when parents yell at them occasionally. Take things into retrospective, sure, for you it may be hard since that's all you know.. but think about rape victims, starving people, injured people.. homeless people.. for me, I find it fuckin' disrespectful and actaully quite annoying when people bitch to me about their life problems. I mean, sure, I will always help but sometimes people need to deal with it.

penguin****** (7:34:39 PM): jeff?
Mourning Air 80 (7:35:01 PM): chris?
penguin****** (7:35:11 PM): you mean alot to me
penguin****** (7:35:16 PM): just wanted to let you know

=) Chris makes me feel so good inside sometimes. Maybe he's the missing link in my puzzle.

I invoke him... and he comes to me in my dreams dressed in black.
He speaks in a language only I can understand.
His hands are warm, his breath is hot
he is the horrible pain within my heart.

You know what pissed me off today? I wrote my phone number on Zoeys arm today (so she could save it somewhere when she would get home) and as I was writing it, I saw [out of the corner of my eye] that Karly was looking at it.. and I did NOT give it to her. Then when I get home.. around 6:00PM someone calls me. It's this chick .. found out it's Karlys sisters best friend. Turns out, Karly gave MY phone number to her sisters best friend and told her to call me.

What is that irritating noise in my head? Oh, it's Karlys respect being SEVERED by my RAGE.

That is total and complete DISRESPECT to me. I did not give it to Karly directly, and yet she takes it upon herself to memorize MY number and then give it, willingly, to a STRANGER and have them call me. That is RUDE, Karly. I will DEFINETLY bring it up with her tomorrow. I'm pissed. I would never do that to anyone. Even if it was a guy that I had a crush on. I'm not disrespectful like that. And it angers me to know that she would do that. She's annoying and immature. Friendship is now terminated. There was no friendship. And this little stunt she pulled was the last straw. Goodbye Karly. >_< It's over.

I'll be strong. I've said it before, so long.. and all I found, I belong is all there. Here's the thing we fold the same, I can't go on this way. Will I still believe in you and I?

Maybe I'll find that missing piece sooner than I know it. Or maybe it's something that I'm not meant to find.. and struggle to get my grasp upon it.

Cheers my deers.

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xxx