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What A Little Tenderness Could Do. Bless Me, Bless you
October 16, 2003 //_ 7:43 PM

I am incredably pissed off at my school. Today was "Day on the green" (basically where all the clubs and shit promote and get money for food/drinks) and everything before then was fine..

Then Jeff and I walked down there (with Sara and a few other people) and Jeff and I held hands. I mean come on, we're "going out" .. holding hands is a necisity. So we walked around and some people stared, at first it was okay cause no one was saying anything, then we walked by some people (I don't know who) and I heard a guy say, "What .. the .. fuck?!?!" and I just tried to ignore that but the comment remained with me. Then we were getting drinks with Sara and then some guys came up to us (before they did, they said, "Holy shit, what the fuck?!" and I knew they were gonna confront us) and one dude was like, "Hey, are you two going out?" and I looked at them with a dumbass look and was like, "Yeah, we are." and he just smurked and walked away with his friends, then I noticed he was with a guy from my Math class. I also saw this one dude thats in my English class (who, by the way, even asked me if I was gay but told him 'no' cause I knew he would be on my ass about it being gross and I didn't want drama) who pisses me off all the time, like fucking scream my name 2 times through out the day when I was with Jeff. I completely ignored him cause well 1) I hate him and 2) I know tomorrow there will be a backlash.

I know I have friends who will stick up for me but theres some instances in which I wont have any support. But I have to stand up for myself. I'm confident in who I am but everytime I try to just ignore comments, I never do. They stick to me like glue.

But I did tell my friend Crystal in PE that I have a boyfriend. She thinks I'm bi. I didn't really bother to correct her.

After school, Sara, Jeff and I walked over to record connection. I think Jeff wanted to hold hands more but I was just like .. way too out of it. He was acting really strange though, singing random lyrics that he made up. Sometimes he can get annoying. I think he was just nervous that's all.

But I got over to Record Connetion and ordered 2 Goldfrapp singles. I didn't have to pay up front, they'll call once they're in. =)

Then I came home and just slept till 6:30. And I was wondering why I was so determined to sleep and then I realized that when my dad came in to tell me it's time for dinner, I just wanted to punch him. But not just punch him, get into a fight. With anybody. Beat the shit out of something or someone. I hate my school sometimes. Most of the people are okay, but what went on today really set me off. It only makes me want to be with Jeff more, so discouragement doesn't work, I just want to fucking kill someone, that's all.

I have to burn Jessi some CD's tonight before she leaves. =( I'm going to miss Jessi.

I am just so pissed off. Why the fuck are there homophobes? I wish there was no more ignorance to be spread upon this fucking world like butter. *sigh*

I think I'm going to sleep after my times up on the computer.

Oh, and I'm also failing 3 classes.

Math
Spanish
World History

So, when my parents find out. I won't be updating anymore for like 3 months probably. >_< I'll find a way to check my email though, and maybe update at friends' houses, so ..

Bye. xx

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xxx