Okay, so I had an okay day today. The party was okay, Jeff tried a lot to flirt with me .. I was feeling a bit awkward cause I didn't know this one guy there and I didn't wanna start any issues.. so I feel bad for ignoring him for part of the party.. he would poke me playfully and tickle my leg and all this stuff, I knew that the guy was seeing it but wasn't saying anything, it was obvious we were flirting, then toward the end of Evil Dead II (HAHAHA, everyone needs to see that movie, its so fucking funny) I held his hand "in secret" by having my arms folded and my hand holding his under our arms. I don't know, I just didn't feel like flaunting it around, since I wasn't sure if everyone knew about us or not.

And yeah, that movie Evil Dead II was so fucking funny. I swear, everyone needs to see it. It's the shizzinizzaunce. ;D

Then we broke open a pi�ata (which eerily did a lot of weird things like in the movie EDII) and all this stuff. Got some candy. Burned the remaining corpse of the pi�ata. Had the strange hippy dude put out the fire with his crazy boots. All that fun stuff.

Then we had some cake, Jeff ate like 6 pieces of cake and wanted more. It was crazy.

We then started watching Out Cold and I gave in and held Jeffs hand.. and what's so strange was for a few minutes while holding his hand, I just had a sudden .. thing come over me that made me want to give him all of me. Just wrap myself all around him and kiss him and .. let myself love him. It was the best thing ever, the only thing that made me feel worse was the fact that I couldn't act upon it, I was too shy with all those people there. If we were alone, I would've been all over him, and I'm not even exaggerating.

I think I'm really starting to fall for him, he wants to do something tomorrow, but sadly, I gotta work for 4 hours at the property.. but afterwards, I wanna go do something with him, like see a movie .. that would make me feel so good. Especially since we'd be alone and it would be dark. I wouldn't go crazy on him, but I would cuddle and hold hands, probably kiss as well. I just don't want to be away from him anymore.

*sigh* Sad song, Bright Eyes' "No Lies, Just Love." .. I used to be so obsessed with this song. I still admire it, so sad though..

Well.. I think I'm going for now. What I wouldn't give to just cuddle up next to Jeff while playing Massive Attack or some of Goldfrapps 'Felt Mountain' .. Maybe he can spend the night this week or something.. Hm..

Katie just called.. meh.. gonna go.

Like a moth to a flame, only I am to blame.

What can I do? I go straight to you.
I've been told, you're to have not to hold.

xx