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Can You Find The Heart, To Tell Me Your Intention? Can You Find The Will, To Show Me You're Forgiven?
October 30, 2003 //_ 6:22 PM

Ack, you know what's sad.. I don't really want to update anymore.. I know! I know! I'm getting used to having fun and shit .. I'm not really on the computer that much anymore.

Plus, as soon as that report card comes home, I won't be allowed on here. So, this COULD be the last entry if it's being sent tomorrow.

*sigh* But I'm not going to fool around with Daniel. I'm going to remain faithful to Jeff. I wrote him a note explaining how I'm feeling about him having other girlfriends while being with me .. and he's realized that and respects my wishes. He's now just mine. =) And I feel good about that.

And homecoming voting was today. I had my mob of friends vote for me. =) Woo hoo.. and they were going to anounce the winners but due to "dificulties" they couldn't. All my friends told me they were pissed when the intercom went off saying that. I guess they're anouncing it tomorrow then. And I was looking forward to it .. psh. I don't want to win (cause I don't wanna pay for going to the dance) but I wanna be mentioned so I feel good about myself, heh.

And now for tomorrow I'm wearing:
A pink wig with pony tails
A black and white checkered dress
Red knee socks
And arm socks (or whatever they're called)
along with make up that will be smeared.. Woot for me being a whore. I just hope it doens't look FLAMBOYUANT, I want to look like a girl, haha.

And thank god Jeff reminded me about the GSA meeting .. Sara and I both forgot about that. I just can't figure out how it's already Thursday and tomorrows Halloween.. I remember the days of past when I would count down to Halloween.. now I'm just so busy I forgot all about it. It doesn't seem as fun anymore, just being with friends. My dad's kinda mad that I'm going trick or treating cause I'm "too old to be doing that these days" .. whatever.

But my god, what if they saw me in the dress... haha. They wont though. After school I'm going to Grass Valley with Sara (and maybe Katie, Nik, Carissa and Crystal .. I hate Crystal) and then to the party.. and yadda yadda ..

And yay the Rocky Horror Picture show is playing at 11PM .. I might be going, I know Jessi will be going there.. So I gotta see her!

And gesh, Alice (girl from school whom I love cause she resembles my mother) is so awesome. I like demand hugs from her everyday. It makes me feel really good inside, cause she looks like my mother! And she's so awesome! She's oldschool too.. she likes oldschool rock, none of the new shit. Which I admire in a strange way. But why linger in the past when you know nothing new can come from them?

So I'm not going down to Granite Bay on Halloween but I think I will try to come down on Saterday. Which would be better, anyways. I need to see Roxy, Crystal, Angela, Kami and Trevor. I miss them sooo much. =(

You know what's weird? I'm talking to April (girl that I wanted to get to know at the begining of the year that's in my History and Math classes) a lot more now. She's actually burning me the Donnie Darko soundtrack and bringing CD's so I can burn her Korn CD's. She's so awesome, I call her Black Cherry (*points repeatedly to Goldfrapp album*) cause she's dying her hair red and she's going to look like a cherry .. (her hairs really short) .. Hehe.

Hm.. you know who I want to hang out with (*random feeling*).. Chris, that guy from the concert. That smartass was right about relationships and the such. Regardless of sex its still a relationship .. cheating .. *nods head* My views have once again changed.

Gesh, now that I think about it, I have tons of friends at school.

Catipilar
Jamie
Katie
Nik
Jeff
Carissa
Alice
Krystal
Tyler
Sara
Jessi
Steven
Rachel
Daniel
Lacy
April
Jessica
Nate
Laura
Stalker Laura
Shaina
Nate Shaw
Pop. Katie
Josh
Prep. Daniel
Jess
Stacey
"Fuck" chick
And then probably about 10 more people I don't know their names..

Compared to just about 9 at Granite Bay. O_o

Well, I had my fun. I need to clean the bathroom so I can get more money for tomorrow. Hahaha, I'm gonna have so much fun being a whore. Yay. Oh, when I told this one chick in my Spanish class what I was going for Halloween she was like, "Oh, wow, you just need to go home and change for that!" .. Hahaha. Me and my whores. *shakes head*

xx

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xxx