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Should I Say It? Should I Tell You How I Feel? Oh, I Want You To Know.. But Then Again I Don't .. It's So Complicated
November 08, 2003 //_ 7:19 PM

Today I went to a birthday thing for relatives at my grandmas house.

I watched 'Larger Than Life' on TV .. kinda made me wish I had an elephant for a pet.

And I've been thinking .. not just out my ass .. and not just about the cute guys that I wish would realize I exist .. but about Jeff. I don't think I can feel right with him any longer. I feel that I need to be alone (not having any relationship strings pulling me in all directions) cause I don't know. I've realized there really isn't ANYONE here at my school that I want that I can actually have. All the guys I feel for are guys I cannot have. And all the guys I could have I don't want. It's a contradiction.

I feel like I really want to go up to the guys that I like and tell them how I feel, but alas, I can't. It's more like.. I don't want to than how I can't. I know I could .. but I don't want to be in that position. It's just not good that they're continually on my mind. Obsession = a nasty habit of mine.

On the way back home, I was listening to Simple Plan (I'm really starting to relate to the lyrics now) and I've been put in a mood to write. It was kind of an inspirational thing that made me realize I should be transforming my thoughts into poems .. before these first hand experiences vanish. So after this entry is done, I'll be writting out some poems.

But I'm finding myself listening to more punk/ska/emo bands as of the moment. Like Riddlin Kids (aw, thanks Angela for telling me about them), Less Than Jake (again, thanks to Angela.. I think), Simple Plan, Bright Eyes .. and I want to listen to Good Charlotte .. I think that's going to be the next CD that I buy. I know that many may hate them, but still.. I find it quite rude to label a band that makes music to reach out to people, "sucky" or "horrible" .. music is music, and it's for us (people) to relate to what we want and find what bands we enjoy. It's all about reaching out to other people -- that's the basis of being in a band. To get your words heard .. your music heard .. once your music has reached someone and touched them (in any way) you've done your job as a musician -- I think.

Maybe that didn't make sense, I'm not sure. But you should get the point. I think Good Charlotte is pretty good. I'm not sure why people hate them, besides that they're possible "poseurs" .. but what defines a "poseur" anyway? I mean, I joke about that with my friends, but I never mean it. I don't hate any bands. I actually enjoy some Avril Lavigne songs as well. I don't think it's cool that she wears a fashion then tries to tell her fans off to not copy her .. then make a CD and not even play guitar on tour .. or perform songs that she didn't really write.. but I still enjoy "her" music.

Anyways.. I'm going to start writing now. I'll update later. Oh yay, SNL and MADtv is on tonight. =)

xx

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xxx