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Are You Free, Or, Are You Guided? Do You Make Your Own Decisions?
May 25, 2004 //_ 1:40 PM

So I have resorted here based on the mere fact that .. maybe I have more to say that what seems to be told. I have to hide what I really want to say for due regard for others feelings. But I don't believe many people that I feel I need to talk about have access to this diary. I know of a few people who do, and I love them.

I've started writting a story on my computer. I won't disclose any details, as I plan to publish it sometime in the future, or maybe post it on here in a link so everyone could read it, but it's about a guy named Johnny Leer. The story is based on a guys life, his relationships, sexuality questions, family arguments, and what really goes on in school. I want to open the eyes of some people and make people think. I've just started it though, so I don't expect it to be finished for a while. But it's a good creative outlet.

Been listening to Left Eye a lot, I really appreciate the song "Universal Quest" .. Esthero's vocals are calming.

So this kid at school has started to steal my bands. He came up to me before school 2 days ago and was like, "Oh, I downloaded some Modest Mouse, they're good.."

..

UH FUCK YOU! They're not "good" .. they're GOD and I don't recall EVER telling him to check them out. He just went on his own and downloaded them. DON'T DOWNLOAD. I'm so pissed at people who do that and don't end up eventually buying the CD. When I download, I will buy the CD eventually. I also don't like the idea that this bitch n00b fan did that.. It's not cool. Then just yesterday he called my friend and told her she downloaded some Goldfrapp and likes them now. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL. Goldfrapp .. AGHH!! They are MY fucking band.. If it wasn't FOR ME, NO ONE at this FUCKING SCHOOL would know about them. AT ALL. It's true though, no one at this damn school knows about any of my UK bands unless I told them about it. I HATE THIS KID. He needs to die.

And lately the whole topic of religion has been eating away at my mind. Can people not understand that there is NO god?? Religion is for people who can't think for themselves, and whoever created religions is one FUCKING GENIOUS cause they have this huge cult following their made up stories. I want to attend every religious persons death so I can LAUGH AT THEIR FACE when they realize there is NO HEAVEN and NO HELL. This is LIFE. This is REALITY. The basis of life is ENERGY. You can still be spiritual but not be religious. Plus, has anyone taken into account the hundreds of religions out their already? If there "is" a god, then WHICH FUCKING ONE IS RIGHT?! Why isn't there something saying in the Bible that Christianity is the right one.. or Buddhist.. or WHATEVER. I hate religious people, and I think it's amusing, to the point that it's annoying, that they basse their own opinions on a fucking BOOK. What the fuck?!@ That's like basing my life on Alice In Wonderland.. IT'S A FUCKING BOOK. And Jesus was a crazy mexican.

STOP RULING THE FUCKING COUNTRY WITH YOUR RIGHT WING POLITICS.

The right wing, left wing, chicken wing.. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I just want to live my life and not have someones religion stand in the way of what I believe is right. I don't even like that term.. "believe" is dirty. Belief has been connected to religion way too much and I think all these people are falling with no base. I can't wait for them to die.

Then there's this other kid, Eric, at my school who just won't stop .. like .. everything. He's just putting it in my friends face that he likes this band (who was rightfully founded by her) .. I can't really explain. He's annoying and immature. I want to beat him till his brain matter comes out of his ears.

So.. I guess that's it.. Take care everyone.

xxxx

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xxx