I'm not sure what I feel right now. It's these times in the early morning that I wish I had a clue what was really going on. What's behind the mask? How is everyone really doing? And I'm asking you why I feel so alone?

I saw Bubble Boy today. It's a very cute movie. The kind of movie that makes you wish you knew someone like Bubble Boy. It's a cute plot, although highly illogical and probably unrealistic - I wish Jake could be my own little Bubble Boy. I feel bad for how I was treated when I was a kid. It made me wish that I could have an effect on people like him. But I should be my own person, not a Bubble Boy.. but I do feel like that sometimes.

It's funny how sometimes I wish I could have the life of a fictional movie charactor. It's like.. I have just one life to live and I don't even want this one. "Live your life as full as you can" they say. But I don't want to feel fulfilled. Where do you go when you have it all?

She likes to feel sad though, she says. I scratch my head and understand. Sometimes these walls make me feel alone. So many other lives out there in the world .. so unaffected.. so unknown. I have so many pictures up.. but why? To only remind myself that I'm not them? That I can't meet them.

Everybody does die alone.

xxxx