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Tiny Secret Chinese Food Ninja
August 14, 2004 //_ 10:44 PM

I feel really dirty.

I just got back from a family get-together .. and there was this guy here (my Aunts grandson) that is incredably attractive. I talked to him a bit.. his name's Josh and he lives in San Francisco and is going to college down there.. And I feel dirty cause .. I couldn't stop thinking of him naked or something. He was just .. beautiful. I'm a horrible person.

My friend here is going through an image crisis I guess. Being gay and all isn't that great. In fact, I was wearing my pink tie today to the family get-together and my Aunt Kathy said "I like the pink, it contrasts with the black, nice!" and my step mom was like "I don't like it.. it's a bit .. fruity" and my Aunt was like, "Well, a lot of guys are now wearing pink now, and most aren't even gay.. you gotta open your mind" and my step-mom was just like "uh-uh, no way!" and was pulling it out like some joke? Then she said, "I'm just too conservative" or whatever. I just thought that was lame.. But now I know that I can tell my Aunt about my sexuality.. and I think I will eventually. Just not sure when.. whenever the subject is brought up I will.

I'm going to Fort-Bragg tomorrow mourning. I can't wait .. except my step-mother is going too -- which I don't believe she should be. I just want to go to my Mothers beach and just dig my feet in the sand and think. And I hope I will.

xxxx

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xxx