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It's Not Up To You .. It Never Really Was
September 10, 2004 //_ 11:56 PM

So maybe I have a lot of people that are pulling at me online. And maybe I like that feeling sometimes .. but why do I feel so superficial in the process? Why do I feel that what I'm saying is wrong, and why does everyone persist with their thoughts? I cannot just tell you from my heart. I cannt manage.

I don't know what love is. I haven't experienced anything more than a crush. A fantasy. An obsession. I think love incorperates more than one side of an emotion. All I've felt is from my heart .. not a second.

"It's not meant to be a strife
It's not meant to be a struggle up-hill
You're trying too hard
Surrender..
Give yourself in"

And sometimes I feel that what I am is wrong. That who I've convinced is right .. is actually wrong.
WHO IS ANYONE TO SAY THAT THIS IS RIGHT OR WRONG?

I want to know why. Or which one is right.

I dont want to love anyone anymore.

xxxx

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xxx