[.:remember the future:.]
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Cause Deep Down Inside, I'm A Child & You Know What That Makes You? A Pedaphile.
November 29, 2004 //_ 8:19 PM

i saw the rest of fight club. and .. wow. brad pitt is a sexy bitch, his abs is like "whoa." and the movie was actually really good and interesting. jared leto was in it and i didn't know until i saw him in the movie. he looks better with dark hair instead of blonde .. but he was still cute.

i'm thinking about cutting my hair. and that really sets me off cause since freshman year i've wanted long hair .. but i just can't deal with it anymore. it takes forever to gel and getting to look right and .. it just doesn't feel like me. i feel better with short 2 inch hair. i think i'm going to cut it tomorrow.

i really want to see alexander the movie (colin farrell.. mmyess..) but i found out its 3 hours long .. and really boring .. but i really wanna see him kissing jared leto and seeing some guy on guy kissage. it would probably be worth it.

today during english .. all i could think about was jake. i felt like i wanted to die, for some reason. i couldn't focus on anything and that has never really happened to me. i've never really had my mind pre-occupied with someone at one time like that. it's starting to hurt.

i've restricted so many relationships by proclaiming my sexual preference and i regret that. cause by going by the belief that i'm mostly into guys and not as many girls, i've ruined the chance to get to know more people. i didn't need to make it public : but i did. i didn't need to tell certain people : but i did, and now i regret certain choices. cause right now, i want a girlfriend. and i have someone in mind.. but no. i'm not going to explain to her everything cause i'll make things awkward and it'll create a sense of doubt. so .. forget it.

and that's why i'm not really open with people about some girls i like because if i were to admit it, some people would think i'm bisexual (which i may be) and some people mistake bisexuality as sexual confusion .. and i'm not confused. i like who i like and some may be girls and some may be guys. i dont want people to think i can't make my own decisions.

i've already created a barrier. if i go back on my word now, i think people will get the wrong impression of me.

xxxx

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