i filmed for my alice in wonderland project. i have footage now, and i can't wait to get to school to edit it all together. i just hope what was taken is enough.

and i stayed up with him. we talked about music and i can recall how simple it felt to just .. talk with him. it felt good, for once. and it wasn't forced. we actually wanted to talk to each other. and that helped a lot with the attitude brought today. i stayed up till 1:10AM with him. i don't regret getting 4 hours of sleep.

woke up at 6:40. got alice. shot some footage and got some ideas. might use some, but most will be taken from later on today. he came up.. right after i had returned home with a friend. thankfully she stayed behind and helped ease the awkwardness. it seemed like he was being really open and nice. it made me feel really good. then she left and it was a bit awkward. i gave him his gift. (he hated it, he hates the colour orange) and he gave me 3 burned CD's (NIN "The Fragile" and Fischerspooner "#1"). it wasn't that bad though. i didn't feel awkward but we didn't talk as much as i wanted. :/

then alice came back from work. we filmed our parts .. it seemed a bit awkward .. but that passed and i think we did pretty well. i just want to make them proud & happy with what i will/can do.
i tend to want a lot.
he left. and i hugged him. it didn't feel like it meant anything. i wish he could've stayed longer. but maybe this will be the begining of him seeing me more. :/
i want him to like me the way i want him to.
but he wont.
i'll be listening to these cds in rememberance of you. i hope you know i think about you more than i'll ever admit. i just wish it could be easier.
xxxx