[.:remember the future:.]
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La Mer
March 06, 2005 //_ 8:24 PM

i'm not sure what i have to say matters to you anymore. it's not like the first impression. i'm running a self check through photos and files remaining of you and finding .. something anew.

i let myself down this weekend. in more than one, i tried to distract myself from you. it worked. i still have days to recount, and if though for moments, i could still love you.

when things start to slack, i pick up the pace through your misinterpreted words and underlying meaning. of course, it's all made up, but in the end, aren't we all? love is a barrier we create to keep out the good and seclude the horrible. we distress ourselves in these white sheets with black stains and we'll never get them out. we can never find enough bleach to cover them.

he waits for you to join him. and i know you'll follow. there will be a time when you can walk forward through the mud or retreat back, beneath surfacing glass. either way, i'll see you walk.
just not to me
i had a dream about you the other night. where you actually cared.

you wanted to touch me. and you held me together through tight ropes.
you wanted to see me. and i could finally feel that .. everything was coming together.
and my lips tore open to the phrase, and i became numb.
you had this source for another.
and you let me drop through this crevice. i saw you walking away from me.

and i woke up. i couldn't see. my eyes were crusted with tears.
and i didn't think twice about it. it meant nothing. [until now]
and it couldn't be clearer .. I LOVE YOU
xxxx

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xxx