[.:remember the future:.]
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1hundred Of Me
March 17, 2005 //_ 7:55 PM

i woke up.
sat on my bed. closed my eyes.
held my head in my hands and thought:
oh my god..
"why do i always feel this way? i just wish for one day to just stay here. not go anywhere. not do anything. just inactive. just me."

i looked in the mirror. my skin was green. my eyes were bloodshot and i saw through the mirror to my ugly. i couldn't believe it. any other day, i'd be like "meh, i don't like me, but i'm okay.." but today, i just couldn't believe how horrible i looked. but i got ready anyway.
with a crack through my mirror
i forgot to wear green. people pinched me and i was about to sock some people in the faces, and i did. it REALLY pissed me off. *kicks st. patricks day in the nutsack*

throughout the day i had to decide of whether going to gsa and hanging out with ginger and this [gay] guy she knows or just escape the possibility and take the bus home. i wanted to runaway and avoid meeting him (i'm always scared like this} but by the end of the day, i felt pretty decent. i didn't care anymore.
i wanted to live
nothing really mattered like it used to. i wanted to go out and not care about shit.
so i did.

i met ginger, found her friend, he was nice. for a while he didn't say much and i was just default. after a while he would ask me questions.

"are you out to your parents?"
"how did you have a girlfriend, do explain."
"you should come with me to party this weekend."

and so (without him knowing) i took his cell phone, pretended to mess with it, and put my phone number in his address book. he didn't really seem my type, but i thought i wouldn't mind seeing him again. he said he might try to hang out with me tomorrow.

it's funny how it'll start with a scratch then end with a blend. i'm feeling okay. worked for my puracane cd. and he thinks i'm cute.

but he's not the one i'm longing for. he's not _him. and for the by, _he still hasn't really responded to my outburst of stitch. i've realized that i'm going to open my mouth a bit more. let my feelings out a bit more. and let people know before it's all too late.
but i think i'm already too late
and so i begin to spill with nothing to contain. i have no endless casing. i'm a holistic figure of dried percentage. i hope this is worth it.
cause my heart may die before it sees any signs
xxxx

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