[.:remember the future:.]
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And I'll Come When You Call, And You'll Sleep While I Cry .. Sweetheart
May 15, 2005 //_ 3:08 PM

so i met a guy. he was beautiful. he was alluring. he bit my tongue and pulled at my lip .. the scratch on the lower back indicates the intensity.

every time he opened his mouth i felt that want.
everytime he sat on me i held him to never let him go.

i felt at home. with him.
and whenever i started to back off
whenever i started to think he didn't like me that much

he would scratch me again.
that tightly held grip he had on my arm;
that twist of support around my back;
he reminded me how he felt.

and i felt so horrible. i apologized to his girlfriend so many times. she was supportive of it, since she was all over my date anyway. [it was weird]

and when everyone i knew cleared the dance floor and he was with her, on the side, i went up top and stood over the railing, staring at the river.

[& i'm thinking]
is this right?
should i be doing this?
did i really have this all in me?

and i heard footsteps coming up the stairs. (how i knew it was them)
she walked up; said hello.
he walked by, grabbed my chest and stood next to me. (he kept reminding me)
i feel horrible. i'm a whore.

while the last song played, they were kissing and i felt so weird being this third person intruding on their relationship, then he grabbed me and pulled me behind him. i began to hug him tightly .. nibbled on his ear (she told me thats what he likes) and i could see him close his eyes.

she asked to put my hand somewhere. i figured somewhere on her body (and since we were all just having fun that night [with all the making out with everyone and taking pictures]) i said sure.

she put my hand on his crotch.
she said 'you're welcome.'
she asked if he was happy.
he said yes.

and when we had our goodbye kiss (how i hated those things), i felt that blow to my mind where i couldn't stop thinking about him.

i have no idea what to do.
or what to think.
i'll be seeing him soon, or so i'm told.

i just want to sleep.
[to not think (about him)]

xxxx

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