so i gave in to the thought. dialed once more those 7 [used-to-be] stressful numbers in the dying hope of an answer. and what did i behold? his voice.

[that dark overlayed sting of sensation
tingled below my back,
down my spine]

and i stopped shaking. it was like normal. we didn't talk much about anything, but i left a few hints to try and see if he was interested
[ie: 'this is where you drive to grass valley and come see me!' .. 'okay!']
and now i know that at least option a doesn't exist. he admitted to never having my number and wanted to call me at some point. we're officially 'on' for seeing eachother on saturday.
i can't wait.

so it feels like i can finally move through my train of thought,
passing that barricade that was always there filled with "what ifs"
.. and i'm feeling better.

i've got a premonition that the next few days will be worth something.
let's look out for the fall.

xxxx