1 Thought At A Time. | |
May 28, 2005 //_ 11:03 PM | |
so, i struggled through 6 hours of dream-exhaust residue to think about the day unfolding. getting there was a trick. remaining uninhabited for 4 pre-hours was tougher than i had thought. but when i saw you walking, and you stared at me and i smiled back, the timing so distinct, it sent razors pulsating through the back of my mind .. telling me to go talk to him. but i didn't, not just yet. time passed by, i kind of kept the thought on the back burner. after a while, he came up behind me, rubbed my back and started talking to me.. i guess i somewhat didn't respond as much and he left after a few minutes. my friend came by and congradulated me on my way to "playing hard to get." i remember him working, and then finally getting up to hug him why does she get to have such a person for herself? why couldn't i find someone on my own who was willing and open to be with me? this guy, almost everything what i could want.. taken, but still interested. and through the passing time, i wouldn't give more than a glance; a simply wave; an untimely heartache, to this taken thought, but when she was with him, i couldn't stand it. it was like she was touching him to upset me.. and i could do nothing. i had not right for anything i was feeling. i'd lie to her face to keep on his good side. and i did. i want to be closer to him, but i guess somehow there are going to be boundaries. he did happen to have me sit next to him under that glaring sun [how it scalded my skin by the end of the day] and rubbed my knee .. i know that maybe he was just trying to be nice, but i can't help but think maybe he likes me too. [what else am i left to assume?] & he did happen to swing his arm around me and put my head to his face and say hello .. with her on the other side. sometimes i feel like he's maybe just a bit too lucky his parents know about me, and know about what him and i had done at prom i'm just really tired. i need to sleep. when i said goodbye to him (no kisses, just hugs) he hugged me so tightly i felt like i wanted to burst. i wanted him to squeeze me so tightly i couldn't breathe. that my rib cage would crack apart and i'd cease to remark in his embrace. i wanted so badly to just have him hold me while i drained myself, but he held me tightly and told me to call him. [and this is how white burned to red to fade into me hating everyone for having something i can never have.] xxxx |
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