long time no update. i haven't the time lately to sit down and really think things through. i can see everything moving around me but i'm still slowly dragging behind. i feel every emotion but somethings still missing. that unknown state of mind where .. you just feel like dying.
with no reason. just to be alone.

i'm pretty sure things are heading in the right direction though. whether that be up or down .. i have a boyfriend now. well, i don't really believe in relationships anymore - but we're seeing eachother. whatever you want to make out of it. and whenever i'm around him .. every negative seems to fade from my picturesque memory.

it's like: normal.
when i'm with him, i don't even realize that so many people hate us. we're gay. but no one really understands attraction these days anymore. that one singular word doesn't seem to phase me anymore.

faggot? me? why not. so, fuck you.
and i'm taking things slow. i've been asked before about the touch - and maybe i've given in but i'm not fading that easily.

i'm not your star.
i'm not that beam of light here to save your life.

and i'm so afraid of losing touch. so many memories and so many faces .. i don't want to let go so fast. i don't want to ever leave this place. this state i'm in .. but sooner or later i knew i'd have to say goodbye .. at least till my head comes back.

oh no.
.. wake up.