maybe there's been words discussed when i'm not around that i'm finally being informed of. he tells me he likes me, yet he can't do anything about it. he has a boyfriend. something i may not agree with but i would never compromise and then he kisses me. not the regular goodnight kiss but one of wanting something you can never have. he tells them he believes i'm perfect. but how could i be perfect when i look in the mirror and i still seem broken? i never thought ahead back then to what would be happening now. i never thought someone would look back at me the way i've looked at so many others. i'm constantly flawed yet this falling star seems consistently beautiful everytime i gaze at it. i know we told each other we wouldn't begin to attach but we admitted to jealousy when we're around others.

as i was standing in front of the mirror, i felt my stomach twist in a memory and i vomited. 3 full hurls of half digested superfoods and hash browns came melting out my mouth [and nose] .. and i felt so much happier when i was all done. i wiped my mouth and smiled [they always stop the gag reflex]. i had erased a memory.
it was no longer in me.

i feel like i've had a years worth of change happen in a week. with me being sick and achey, i tended to be a bit more raw. and he'd make me happy some days. then he'd make me hate him others.

with every heat flash i can see the exposures of his intentions.

xxxx