i sleep, breathing through my mouth. i wake up every 2 hours with crusting lips and a sandpaper tongue. this isn't healthy, i can't even swallow. you're not talking to me like you used to. but now it all feels different, cause i don't seem to mind like i used to. i may have found a distraction. at least with this i can release as much as i can take in. at least i don't have strep throat.

i'm finding myself more and more frustrated with what's turning out. i'll begin to think i'm getting somewhere but when i stop to look around at what i'm becoming - i start to realize i'm turning into what i hate. but with this change is coming so much positive outcomes .. with my friends, and that distraction .. things are starting to become easier to predict and i'm getting more of what i want .. even if i'm depicting what i'm not.

life just seems to go perfect .. then all the sudden .. the walls start closing in .. and it's harder to breathe.

xxxx