i awoke from a surreal dream. she was living across the street from me, and even though we were so close, we rarely ever visited eachother (like in reality) - and i walked over, seeing her walking around her house and shouted her name. she looked right at me, and ignored me - keeping pace around to the other side of the house.

i walked inside the house and saw her family, but i didn't want to disturb them, so i went back to my house and watched through my window.

i woke up and put on a shirt i rarely ever wear and went online. i saw she had updated her profile with a video she had made depicting her everyday life at school (somewhat) .. and watching her with our other friend and doing the same things we used to .. i couldn't help but feel so left out. i'm missing out on so much of their lives, and i didn't feel connected anymore. i felt alone and i didn't want to lose her - or anyone - ever. i felt cheap and stupid.

i wanted to IM her, but i thought if i did, i'd disturb her. so i didn't.
i'm wearing the shirt she bought me for my birthday 3 years ago.

then seeing the camera turned on her, and how beautiful she still looks to this day, and her smile .. how she seemed so content .. i wanted to be there to feel that with her, but i couldn't - and i can't.

then i couldn't take it anymore. i haven't cried in months, i had to get something out.

"angela"
"yesss?"
"i miss you so much"

.. and then my head fell apart.
xxxx