things aren't the same as they used to be. silences between us used to be breathing breaks from laughter or time for thought. we used to call eachother every night. we would talk about the same things and agree on almost everything. things were easy & light. but tonight changed my perspective on a lot of things.

now, we don't see eye to eye on things anymore. we're unleveled and unstable. our silences fill minutes as i scramble to keep speaking. i find us changing into new skins and shedding older coats. we never call eachother. things are difficult & heavy.

and i know longing for the how things used to be is a lost cause. our past is what we choose to remember. what has happened is a memory and a thin line between truth (in what was) and lies (in what we wish). today is an ever-lasting bruise. as each day arrives with sunspots across our skin, it burns off the blood-layer of yesterday and leaves it up to the mind to recall, recount or reconsider.

life is like a movie. only this time, there is no stop, pause, rewind or forward. only play. and all we can do is sit in our chairs - let the sun burn the days - and watch. we can cry, laugh, scream, smile, hate & love - but there is no recording process. what you make here stays with you - and no one else matters. it's only you and what you want.

decisions.
disasters.
reconstructions.

birth.
live & die.

remember what you want.
lie with what you need.
destroy who you (thought you) were
and construct the life you live.

xxxx