for some reason i've had this feeling festering below my skin lately. something wretched and foul waiting to seep through all my pours and dissolve into the shadows of the words i want to scream at you. i have no basis or understanding but with eyes open, i feel replaced. this isn't who i really am. i am not this distant or consumed. i really shouldn't be, but i am.

i just need reassurance. and everytime i get it, something else comes along to dissolve that heightened sense of worthiness. as if whatever i do or whatever i will do isn't good enough to match the effort(less) they give out.

in everyones eyes they will never be good enough. they will never match up to that idealized sense of self we all have pictured within ourselves. but what i've been feeling only registers itself into my conscious when he's brought up.

here's my plead, my never ending repeat.
i'm a circular cry-baby with no one to trust.
i'm restless and mad and anciently sad.
if someone wants to kill me, go ahead but make it fast.

i apologize.