i had numerous alternatives than doing this right now, but i had to find some shelter or release before these seconds would be compressed into metal. my mind had been wandering and has been searching for reasons - i was hoping you would tell me what the reasons would be for or what this was all about - i have no idea whats inside my own mind anymore. i'm sure if you were to cut it down the middle half would bleed of wilting determination and the rest would be rotting of unrequited love and admiration.

was everything for nothing? was everything for me?
everything was nothing. because everything was me.

i had a dream i was sitting next to you, your hand on my thigh and i was leaning into your shoulder. you lifted my head and asked me what i was thinking. and i told you quite simply, "i just can't believe i'm here - with you - right now." there was just something in that moment that still lingers behind my eyelids - that feeling.

i thought i had left you for dead.

i could be lying, but i swear i miss you.