[.:remember the future:.]
[hiv][older][about me][profile][d.land]
you said, "hey, how could you love me this way?"
March 11, 2014 //_ 3:01 PM

there's this constant tug on my chest.. connected to a thin wire that rests squarely in your possession. you can pull it closer to you any time you'd like.. but lately I've been finding out you'd rather let it rest on the ground until the time comes where I figure I ought to be disconnected.. then suddenly you pick up the slack, rush me towards you and wrap me in your warm embrace.

in those times, I feel completely weightless. like I'm not the driver of my own car.. and that doesn't bother me. the only thing that bothers me is even when I feel like I'm the passenger- it's not even my car we're in. and there's no clear destination.. in fact, we may even just be free-falling. and I'd look to you and you'd just look back at me and say, "I don't know, not now."

it's such a hard decision to make when overwhelmingly you feel like it's meant to be- this wonderfully sad relationship that has all the potential in the world to be something so beautiful.. when there's still this part trying to pull your heart down, saying, "come back down from those clouds.. you're only gonna find yourself ungrounded and I don't want to have to put you back together when you fall apart."

but somehow, to this day- even after I've tried to stay away from you multiple times- I can't seem to distance myself. I know I have control over my own life and I will make things be what they are.. but sometimes I'd just like to know if you think about me as much as I think about you.
that you care.
that you wanted to kiss me that one time.
that you wished I wouldn't have to leave.
that you wanted me .. to be yours.
because Kyle, I want you to be mine.
don't chase love. just go where it leads you.

« before ⎨&⎬ after »