[.:remember the future:.]
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March 06, 2018 //_ 1:27 PM

the last couple of weeks I've been working as a personal shopper at my job and it's been pretty rewarding. the department manager gushes over having me working with her and my store directer has noticed and thinks it's the perfect fit for me. I've worked almost every department in my company within my employment and never really really loved fully what I was doing (besides night scan where I can dress in whatever clothing and listen to music/podcasts all night- but alas there are no hours available in that department for full time) until now.

I'm excited because today I got to sit in on my first ever conference call store-wide relating to our services and improvements coming (with my store directer next to me). normally this kind of business bores the crap out of me, but because of my fondness for my department manager and how I genuinely enjoy what I'm doing- this was fun! also it ate up an hour of my time, which was wonderful.

the only downside to all of this positive work change is .. I've started to really question "do I really WANT to continue working here?.." "don't you want to go back to school and polish your education of ASL and become an interpreter?" "didn't you settle on becoming an interpreter as a more reliable income option than your dream of becoming a music video directer/screen-play writer..?"

and now I'm here. my one and only job. 14 years later. like, I don't even know how to make a resumé. I've only been in maybe 2 interviews EVER and regardless of how confident I'm sure I am in those situations.. maybe I'm wondering if I'm bored of it all.

I'm almost 30 years old and only now I'm really starting to worry about the direction my life is going. if you asked me where I saw myself working/doing in the next 10 years- I honestly couldn't tell you- and that's because I know I don't want to be at this job forever. but it pays bills, has benefits, is secure and isn't that EXACTLY WHAT EVERY OTHER BORING PERSON HAS EVER SAID DOWN THE LINE??

I'm sure I'm over-exaggerating and things will eventually fall into place according to plan.. but I wonder.. do the right ones really fall into place or do I just eventually give up on trying to make other pieces fit and settle with the ones that complete the normal puzzle?

on a different more exciting note: I JUST BOUGHT VIP TICKETS TO SEE IONNALEE LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO. I could die. I probably will die. but definitely not 'till after the show. (now playing: "Blazing" by ionnalee) and of course the fiancé couldn't be more disapproving of my spending habits.. but he's going with me so he can't stay bitter for long..

I have a lot more to update with but I figure doing these regular updates instead of metaphor-heavy teasings requires some restraint at first.

I mean come on, who's really interested for more?
regardless, a shot of pendalton awaits me.


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