[.:remember the future:.]
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can't sit still.
May 15, 2020 //_ 5:24 PM

since i was a child, i've known of this odd lump on my back, located towards the end of my spine. i remember noticing it and pointing it out to my father, who then took me to the doctor to find out what it was.. only to come back with info relaying it was probably a growth of tissue, balled up and somewhat calcified on my back. this ball of tissue never really hurt me, but it definitely hurt if something bumped into it or if i pushed it around. i always found it disgusting, seeing it whenever i'd bend over was always so embarrassing. i remember the doctor saying it was not harmful but that we had the option to remove it if it bothered me but we opted to leave it as long as it was okay. i always wanted it removed. i always hated it. i mean, it is on my body.

but my dad opted to keep it (probably financially). and i understand that.
and it's never given me much issue to want it removed until now.

since mothers day, somehow it has become INFESTED with zits/pimples and whatever the hell else could happen to it. i'm telling you, i can barely even sit still, my shirt rubbing against this MONSTER MOUNTAIN of a ZIT COLONY is ridiculous. it hasn't even exploded the way it should, but i can definitely feel about 6 individual zits, all conveniently located on this stupid lump on my back on my spine.

it's painful. it's disGUSTING. and if i could go back and slap my dad in the face- i would.
i can barely drive, i can barely lay on my back, i can barely sit.
i'll just stand until i die.

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